Doron In Israel

2005-06-13T18:01:00.000+03:00

all is better in the world. at least as far as hearing from my homestay goes. i was mostly gonna crap myself because if for some reason it fell though i'd have a shit time of trying to find one now, and definatly would have to pay more. expensive fucking city. although i hear since i'll buying my food at the grocers it's very cheap. unfortunatly, i also hear english produce is quite shite. ah well. i'm just going to live on guiness anyway. one more paper left and the research is killing me. the cure for insomnia? central asia.

2005-06-09T14:18:00.000+03:00

someone has made everything feel different.

in other news, i'm pretty much down to just one more paper. of course it's going to be my crappy central asia paper and my prof is making me meet him tomorrow at 9 in the a fucking m. to those of you not living in the jewish state, that's the equivalent of being asked to meet your prof at 9 in the a fucking m on a saturday morning. who does that?! i'm just going to crap that paper out in two weeks, i know it. classes are all done, which is so very strange. i'm pretty much done with grad school save for the thesis. the mind bogglingly huge thesis. the good news is that i've dug up all my sources from here that i'll need so i'm all set for london next month. speaking of london, i havent heard back from my homestay in over a week since i gave them my dates for arriving and that has me kind of worried. hope they didnt implode or anything. fuckers. ahhh...still, everything feels different and new and good in the oddest most peculiar of ways.

2005-05-21T14:21:00.000+03:00

so bad at updating. i'm a douchebag. anyway, i finally saw hitchhikers guide last night. fuckin' brilliant. really loved it. they managed to combine adams' themes from all the books and create something i think he would have been really proud of. excellent comedic timing. and very very british. i'll get around to seeing star wars tonight.

i went to see the movie alone last night. i do that sometimes. there's something nice about seeing a movie alone, moreso if you can get a little isolated spot somewhere in the theater (i couldnt, but at least the people around me really liked the film). i know some people who like seeing movies alone, but i think we may be few and far between. i got a slice of pizza and went down to the beach afterwards to eat it. i may be the only person who does this kind of thing. then again, i haven't really made much effort to find anyone else who appreciates geeky british sci-fi comedy and late night pizza on a quiet beach. this may be because i imagine any discussion about this sort of thing gets awkward after, "you went to see a movie by yourself? why would anyone do that?"

i spent most of last week listening to miles davis' 'kind of blue' over and over again. i love rediscovering an old favorite album. i also spent most of the past week pretending that i was actually getting work done while actually applying for jobs in the states; mostly intelligence analyst kind of stuff. we'll see how i do. i can tell you that i wont be working for the FBI anytime soon as i have "smoked marijuana in the past three years." i wonder if i still wouldnt be eligable if i were fluent in 20 languages. i imagine i would be. teaching seems more and more like a nice idea.

im trying to figure out how much money i'll need in london. most answers point to "more than i have" but i shall survive. after all, i can just live on guiness. at least i've got a place to stay. now i need a cheap ticket. it's all very strange. it hasn't hit me yet that i'll be leaving here in a little under two months. this may be because i dont want to think about what i'll do with myself in new york. on the other hand, i should probably just realize that time is running quite short and make the most of what i've got. fuck. i really should be. what am i doing on here?

2005-05-07T01:28:00.000+03:00

i think i used to be funnier. i'm not sure why that is. perhaps it's just time. i think this may happen to comedians in general. i know there are comedians who i thought were hysterical five or ten years ago that just cant get a laugh out of me now. all this got me thinking about love, because, well, that's just what i tend to think about on those long walks home after a long dinner with friends and several bottles of wine. so i began to think that perhaps there is something in the pitch or tone or tempo or all of these in the human voice that resonates in perfect harmony with the ears of another particular individual. that there is something in the human voice that reverberates love in waves. that the kind words between lovers remain kind for a lifetime. that sincerity remains sincere, that humor remains funny, that honesty is carried from lips to ears in every note uttered.

but perhaps these are just the thoughts that are carried by the wind over the mediterainian and down sycamore lined boulevards.

2005-05-03T19:48:00.000+03:00

Somewhere near the Syrian border is a long winding highway leading nowhere. To the west is the occasional army base built into the hills. To the east is the low plains controlled by the UN and beyond them the Syrian towns that once existed on our side of the border. A rare army jeep rolls by, but the road is otherwise empty and the view soon turns to one of endless untouched nature. The plain spreads to both sides and the landscape gently rolls. The high golden grass gives way to patches of tall free trees and a sparkling still pond half hidden by an untrodden hill. The nature is raw and undistrubed for some forty years now. The grass will continue to grow wild and forests may sprout. No fish in the pond shall be caught. For a hundred lifetimes this small patch of eden on earth may stay touched only by the hand of god. Thus I learned that some of the most beautiful places on earth are those laced with mines.

2005-04-11T15:59:00.001+03:00

so i've been bad about updating. well, not that bad. whatever. shut up. man...it's fucking gorgeous outside. i'm gonna go for a run and a swim. that's right, i live by the beach so i can go for a run and then jump into the bathwater warm med. how am i going to deal with real winter? i dont fucking know. particularly since there's a minor chance i'll be spending next winter in a little town in alaska. that's right, i'm out to live life like northern exposure. where's the fuckin' moose? yeah...so i applied for a 'job' through americorps, which is like the peacecorps but domestic. it's a neat little job actually, beyond the fact that the pay is pretty crummy. the opportunity, though, would be amazing. community development and tourism. i think i just want to be a jack of all trades kind of guy. just be experienced in all kinds of different things. perhaps it's the ADD. could be. either way i realize that the only other jobs out there that i might be qualified for is working as an analyst for the CIA/DoD/FBI etc. even then my qualifications are a bit sketchy. we shall see.

it's been a good week for book buying. found an early edition of wilde's 'picture of dorian gray' and an excellent de-luxe bound and illustrated copy of T.E. Lawrence's 'seven pillars of wisdom.' i got the last one for the equivalent of 2 bucks. un-fucking-believable. you may not have an easy time finding new english fiction in israel, but it's amazing the availability of cheap vinage books. someone (and i say someone because they keep calling themselves anonymous) on the comments asked me about my favorite novel of all time. probably one of the toughest questions you can ask, natch. i'd probably go with Nabakov's 'Lolita' because it's just utterly brilliant and beautiful. i read the annoted version and the man was obviously a genious. it delves deeply into the essence of what it means to be human and moral and truly intelligent. not only in the pages themselves, but in what nabakov is saying to his readers after the fact. when the book was released, the critics almost unanimously agreed that it was in fact the young girl who was morally objectionable. what nabakov does, in his brilliant and eloquent way, is make the reader sympathize with humbert the rapist. he does this so well, in fact, that only those who feel that intellect is based on delving deeper and deeper into the symbolism fail to see that the symbolism is really meant to drive them back into the foreground. that this is the story of a man raping a young girl. it is a living critique of the intellectual failure to step back from philosophies and empathize with humanity. if i were a student of literature i imagine i could explain this far better.

back in the mundane world of everyday, i've finished two papers and am left with three short ones. i need to meet with the advisor tomorrow to talk about one of them. i'm hoping this is not a bad sign. god help me write my ridiculous central asia paper, as i have absolutely no interest in it whatsoever. i'm excited to get to write my historiography paper on sherman's march to the sea. he's certainly one of the most controversial figures in american history.

i also apparently keep sending people messages when i get home after pubcrawling. if i've done this to you, i apologize, if i havent, i also apologize. either way it seems to have been very entertaining for all parties involved.

my parents move into their new home this weekend and i'm excited that i'll have a study with a fireplace. my dream of being an old man comes closer to fruition every day. now i should probably go do something productive.

2005-04-02T00:24:00.000+03:00

i can't explain it, but i feel a part of the mourning process. it seems the whole world has been glued to their tv's following the news. i can't say i blame them, he was an incredible man. he grew up with nothing and came to be one of the most well known men in the world. he lived generously and bravely. i can only believe he died the same way. he changed the way so many people thought, even those of us who didn't subscribe to what he believed in. the greatness of his influence could only be matched by the greatness of his heart. he was an inspiration, a leader, and a heck of a fine human being. i know that beyond all the grief, we'll be able to go on thinking fondly of his fine words, "it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken."

2005-03-23T16:26:00.000+02:00

i realize that i love stories about love. this would explain a predisposition towards anything written by milan kundera. in fact, i may very well be a complete sap for the concept itself. the part in plato's 'symposium' where aristophenes speaks up can well turn me into a giddy schoolgirl, kneesocks and all. i'm a jerk for romance. i have created romantic scenerios for no one in particular. i have occasionally been known to follow threw on such moments of fancy. these moments usually involve random dancing, sometimes even with the support of street musicians. i even hold a few grand little romantic schemes that i would share, but would like to imagine i will get to execute them on my own someday.

i am, however, terrible at actual love. i'm not particularly good at falling into it, not well equipped to be in it, and certain and painstakingly horrible at falling out of it. it does seem that i may be afraid of the one thing i may actually be any good at, if i could actually get around to doing it right just once. then again, it's likely that i'm hardly the first person to think of themselves like this and thus i should likely put down any good ideas in a little book and try to sell it off as one of those horrible little books that tell people all kinds of incredibly dull romantic ideas to do with their partner. this is an idea. not a very good idea, but an idea nonetheless. otherwise i could begin looking for someone who can accept all of my peculiar faults (requiring someone with immense patience) or someone who would not notice (requiring someone of exceptional obliviosity) or someone who would enjoy them (requiring a slight to moderate mental imbalance, which i may be able to handle. preferably this person would be non-violent and/or medicated and likes to share).

now, i was hoping to write something enlightening and personal. well, i'm not so sure i've succeeded in the latter and am fairly certain i've bombed in the former. that said, i'm going to go read my book and enjoy all the funny little parts about quirky love.

2005-03-16T02:34:00.000+02:00

so a list has been made of the top five internet scams people fall for. except for the first one which involved buying something online and never receiving it, the rest are absolutely fucking ridiculous, and it's hard not to say that people who fall for this kind of shit get what they deserve. my personal favorite, number 3....pay close attention to the "what you should ask yourself" part:

3. Nigerian 419 Letter
The setup: You receive an e-mail, usually written in screaming capital letters, that starts out like this:
"DEAR SIR/MADAM: I REPRESENT THE RECENTLY DEPOSED MINISTER OF AGRICULTURE FOR NODAMBIZIA, WHO HAS EMBEZZLED 30 MILLION DOLLARS FROM HIS STARVING COUNTRYMEN AND NOW NEEDS TO GET IT OUT OF THE COUNTRY..."
The letter says the scammers are seeking an accomplice who will transfer the funds into their account for a cut of the total--usually around 30 percent. You'll be asked to travel overseas to meet with the scammers and complete the necessary paperwork. But before the transaction can be finalized, you must pay thousands of dollars in "taxes," "attorney costs," "bribes," or other advance fees.
What actually happens: There's no minister and no money--except for the money you put up in advance. Victims who travel overseas may find themselves physically threatened and not allowed to leave until they cough up the cash. (FYI, "419" is named for the section of Nigeria's penal code that the scam violates.)
The risk: Serious financial loss--or worse. Victims of Nigerian letter fraud lose $3000 on average, according to the FBI. Several victims have been killed or gone missing while chasing a 419 scheme.
The question you've gotta ask yourself: Of all the people in the world, why would a corrupt African bureaucrat pick me to be his accomplice?

good fucking question you jibbering slugmonkey grundlesmuggler! go die! here's another fucking question, how the hell did you manage to make the 3,000 bucks to begin with seeing as how you obviously have trouble with breathing and other basic concepts. fucktards!

2005-03-14T13:54:00.000+02:00

i've just purchased a new copy of the complete 'hitchhikers guide to the galaxy' trilogy (all six stories). i once owned a copy of the complete 'hitchhikers' from the late 80's or early 90's that had the first 4 stories. considering i finished the series some ten years back (and my old copy of the trilogy went lost sometime in high school) i'm pretty excited. i've decided that unless i'm consistently reading fiction on at a semi-daily basis at the minimum, i'm compeletely and utterly fucking worthless. seriously. i dont think properly, nothing seems proportionate, my imagination goes flat like day old soda. everything begins to taste like bologna. the shower occasionally smells like sewage (this, however, may be a real problem with my building. i smell great! fuckslugs!). so, anyway, i'm happy i'll have something to read for a while now. i dont know how i've read so little fiction in the past two years. i can could the number of books on two hands. still, in one month i managed to read 4 books and still get a paper finished. really though, i wonder why i have the need to read fiction. it's like an addiction. yes. more fiction. gimmie. or, you know, real drugs will do.

2005-03-10T10:26:00.000+02:00

thank you snoop dogg, thank you

and now, a new verizzle of the second to last postizzle:

thus far i have: poisoned me wit absinthe (unda tha influence of which i was driven ta steal bread), threatened mah shot calla wit bodily harm, 'finished' a papa (that is 26 pages n likely needs ta shed some of those), finished 'read'n lolita in tehran' started kundera's 'laughable loves,' discovered thizzat while i may be doom'n me ta a life of solitude i do not have ta be miserable `bout it (-N-to-tha-izzot that i have been, nor have i actually taken any of this seriously cuz its a G thang. so perhaps, in tizzle wizzy i've inadvertantly doomed myself. fuck . Subscribe nigga, get yo issue.! i'm doomed!), decided i need ta git a haircut, written a motherfucka ta one al gore, bizzle saddled wit a broken sippin' machine, decided only ta smoke chronic motherfucka explosions n poison'n, discovered tha joy of mak'n lists, been ta tha beach several times, made shawty heezeeway in try'n ta figure out mah future, managed ta eat less cheese, realized tizzy i am, indeed, tha single mizzost dull person on earth. FUCK . Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air! well, in thizzat case, i'm off ta see tha aviatizzle!

2005-03-05T17:35:00.000+02:00

thus far i have: poisoned myself with absinthe (under the influence of which i was driven to steal bread),
threatened my printer with bodily harm,
'finished' a paper (that is 26 pages and likely needs to shed some of those),
finished 'reading lolita in tehran' started kundera's 'laughable loves,'
discovered that while i may be dooming myself to a life of solitude i do not have to be miserable about it (not that i have been, nor have i actually taken any of this seriously. so perhaps, in that way, i've inadvertantly doomed myself. fuck! i'm doomed!),
decided i need to get a haircut,
written a letter to one al gore,
been saddled with a broken washing machine,
decided only to smoke cigarettes after explosions and poisoning,
discovered the joy of making lists,
been to the beach several times,
made little headway in trying to figure out my future,
managed to eat less cheese,
realized that i am, indeed, the single most dull person on earth. FUCK! well, in that case, i'm off to see the aviator...again!

2005-02-28T20:23:00.000+02:00

if anyone was unsure, yes, i am still alive.

now to answer the question: pretty close. five minutes away, to be exact. i was with friends celebrating D and A's engagement. we all had a big homecooked dinner with plenty of wine. we had planned on going out and really celebrating. we had finished dessert and the wine was done, so the only thing left to do was go out and enjoy ourselves. then a phone call, a "what?!", and then the ambulances. over and over again. news. phone calls. sirens. helicopters. messages. relief. jokes. uneasy laughter. political commentary. speculations. the uneasy desire to hold someone; anyone. finally wearing out. going home. some more phone calls.

that's pretty much what it all was. it's a bit odd to think that had the bomb gone off, say, 20 minutes later we would have likely been walking right past the place. i've passed the spot a hundred times.

besides all that, it's nice being back. especially with the excellent weather. plenty of work to get done now.

2005-02-21T06:47:00.000+02:00

so i'm back in tel aviv. the flight consisted of a child who alternated between adorably clutching my arm and not so adorably kicking me. i've also realized that being a vegetarian on a plane attracts a lot of attention because you 1) get your food first 2) your food is generally better tasting and more asthetically pleasing and 3) because since youre the only one with food you will be talked about, to, and over regarding your meal. still, the only real complaint is that there is always (really, every fucking time) somebody standing over me while i'm sleeping and carrying on a conversation at what must be a ridiculously high volume. the worst part may be that they obviously are only having this conversation because they have nothing else to do. well, here's something they could do, sit in their own seats quietly and let me sleep. i mean, my leg is already asleep from the kicking, why not let the rest of my body follow?

still, it's better than Tower.

in other exciting news...i have a plan. yes, really, a plan. one with dates. it's amazing. georgetown has a joint MA program in security studies with a law degree that i really like. so i now have to be in london in july so i can get back to new york in august to take an LSAT course, take the test in october, apply early admissions to georgetown, then get back to writing my thesis.

yup. there it is. pretty mundane when it's written down, but i'm pleased with it. i'm a bit annoyed that i now have to move my london plans back a month, and i'd like more LSAT time, but i think 2 months should do it. i'll ask around and see what people say.

so...who's got friends and family on the georgetown admissions board? anyone? anyone? speak up, dont be shy now...

2005-02-04T23:13:00.000+02:00

"But more important than any of these was the vast, accretive weight of small things, from planes which hadn't crashed to men and women who had come to the correct place at the perfect time and thus founded generations. He saw kisses exchanged in doorways and wallets returned and men who had come to a splitting of the way and chosen the right fork. He saw a thousand random meetings that weren't random, ten thousand right decisions, a hundred thousand right answers, a million acts of unacknowledged kindness."

'Wolves of the Calla'
-S. King

yay dark tower!

2005-02-01T05:27:00.000+02:00

shutting down? nope. i'm just on vacation. settle down people.

the next part is actually from a message sent to a particularly sassy person in london via myspace, also known as internetcrack

i spent the morning at the council on foreign relations, then walked around central park in the snow, took pictures of ice skaters and got stared at by some creepy kid cos perhaps i look a bit creepy myself what with my camera and giant wool hat with the pompom on top and the elephant ear flaps. then went to play with the toys in the worlds greatest toy store (i got free milkshake!). after the playing of the giant keyboard, the riding of the segway, and the purchasing of ugly dolls, i proceeded to the worlds greatest rare bookshop to play with antique prints and maps. this is also where i left said ugly dolls and will thus have to return. all was followed by burrito and texan beer at the rodeo bar. i finished the day with a stellar dental checkup.

the council on foreign relations was exciting, particularly since the advisor was speaking and i got to watch him blow all these folks away. interestingly enough most of the people there were from the world of business and finance. very very interesting.

2005-01-25T15:01:00.000+02:00

as long as josh is still reading, it's worth scrounging up the obsurd meaningless moments of my days and collecting them here for future generations to enjoy. observe. learn from my errors. bask in my glory. fidget in my awkwardness. wallow in my misery. speak only when spoken to. eat all their vegetables. avoid scurvey like the plague.

for my part, i'm off to get packing. how many doors do you have to knock on before someone has a scale you can borrow to weigh your bags that are burdened with books you fear may tear a whole through the cheap fabric....5. now, THAT'S trivia!

when i'll blog next, nobody knows.......

2005-01-25T02:07:00.000+02:00

so, less than 48 hours to go and i'll be on my way to new york. im mildly apprehensive. it's been a long while. did i ramble about this already? probably. i wonder if i'm different. i guess we'll find out. you know what i love about israel? it's just very friendly. really. or maybe it just makes me very friendly. to wit, i got on the sherut (that would be the pseudo-taxi that gets me home) and there's a guy sitting there with a whole bunch of balloons, so i wish him mazel tov. then on the walk down the block i see a dog run across the street, and a couple sitting there not paying attention, so i stop to ask if it's their dog and tell them to be careful cos it's running amok (well, not really, just wandering into the road, which is bad enough). all this at one in the morning. and everyone's nice about it all. can i adjust back into an atmosphere that's so formal? we'll see. at least i'm not british. or worse, japanese. israel is very make it or break it for the japanese. either they go crazy and have to go home, or they turn into giant slackers after about six months (i've seen this, it's quite entertaining).

i wonder who's reading this. i've been curious about this for a while now. i know there are some regulars. i wonder if there's anyone i dont know. probably. there have been a few stray comments from people i dont recognize, which is always nice.

who are you voyeur!?

2005-01-24T01:34:00.000+02:00

i've decided that "take on me" is a surprisingly sweet song once you figure out what the hell those swedes are saying. i've heard rumor that chasemanhatten will pay arabic speakers 150,000 starting. i've become mildly apprehensive about going back to new york, even though it's only a visit. still very excited, but it's been quite a while, and last time barely counted cos it was so short. i hope it isn't too strange. i want my family to move into the new house already so i can have a study. i've always wanted a study. i want to fill it with books from floor to ceiling. i want it to have a wet bar. want want want. shut up. i like that i'm rambling. it's what is it its that chain of no stream of conciousness. yes. i used to love kerouac as a kid. he's really entertaining at that age. ah. now. well. let's see. what am i thinking about now i'm thinking about i'm thinking about thinking love thinking love thinking love thinking? no thinking about love. decided that it's time. the details will come later. the who's and the how's and the what's and the whatnots. not important for now. but it's been decided. and adventure. adventure. tomorrow perhaps an adventure back to passia. this time with D. he keeps pressing me to go, and tomorrow really is my last opportunity before going to ny. hope they're open. some muslim holiday last week. i'd like to make 150k. i should work harder on arabic. i should finish this paper. should should should. fuck. damn. ok. i should probably sleep. but eh. it's ok. slept enough. more than enough. really. need to get work done. love six feet under. fucking love it. is this enough? probably. yeah.

2005-01-22T02:03:00.000+02:00

it's weird when you start laughing at what was once the epitomie of pain and spend your long night walk home singing the same few lines of old billie holiday songs. (isn't 'old' a bit rhetorical there? perhaps that's relative)

still.

i wached 'the salton sea' tonight. really good film. there was a great line in it that i wanted to share, but now it's slipped my mind. perhaps i'll remember to ask D tomorrow, and perhaps he'll even remember it. eh....the point of this post? not sure...

2005-01-19T17:44:00.000+02:00

it wont stop raining. it's crazy. it's not even regular normal rain, it's crazy tel aviv rain, where it's like the heavens turn into one giant high pressure showerhead and the lightning pops like collosus 19th century flash bulbs and the thunder sounds out like armaggedons trumpet. indeed, it is raining really fucking hard.

a professor died today, but not one that i knew. he had a heart attack in the middle of a lecture with the british ambassador. the Advisor wouldnt postpone class though, much to his credit.

everything feels ominous.

on a lighter side, i've learned several new and excellent jokes. some of you have probably gotten these emailed to you, but maybe there are people out there i dont know reading this, in which case, um, i'd be interested to know who you are. that'd be super neat.

first joke!
A Syrian bomber plane is flying over the Middle-East and one of their engines dies. The pilot radios for help saying, "This is the Syrian bomber A-14. We've lost one of our engines and request permission to land anywhere in the Middle-East EXCEPT Israel."There is no response.

They lose another engine and radio again: "This is the Syrian bomber A-14. We've lost two of our engines and request permission to land anywhere in the Middle-East EXCEPT Israel."Again, no response.

A few more minutes go by and they radio again: "This is the Syrian bomber A-14. We've lost three of our engines. If we do not land now, we are going to crash. We request permission to land anywhere in the Middle-East INCLUDING Israel."

All of the sudden, the radio comes alive: "Shalom, this is Tel Aviv, how can we help?"The pilot replies: "This is the Syrian bomber plane A-14. We need to land immediately or we are going to die. Can you help us?"The air-traffic controller replies: "Sure thing, but I need to give you some very detailed instructions and my Arabic is not too good. Does anyone on the plane speak Hebrew?"
The pilot asks his crew to no avail. "No, no one on the plane can speak Hebrew. What should we do?"
"Don't worry. Don't worry. All you have to do is repeat after me. Are you ready?"
"Sure. Sure. We're ready."

"All right, here goes. Repeat after me:Yitgadal, v'yitkadash, sh'mey rabah, b'alma di v'rah chirutay........."

second joke!

A sign at a business establishment in Philadelphia, PA: "WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 ARAB TERRORISTS THAN WITH A SINGLE JEW"

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. Most would be outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement... One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business... And that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back...

But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement... We are a society who holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty... And after all it is just a sign... You may ask what business would dare post such a sign?

Goldberg's Funeral Home

joke 3!

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."President Bush says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do."
The Saudi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, Africans and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."
President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi and whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future...."

last one!

A man arrives at Ben Gurion International Airport with 2 large bags.The customs agent opens the first bag and finds it full with money indifferent currencies.

The agent asks the passenger, "How did you getthismoney?"The man says, "You will not believe it, but I traveled all overEurope, went into public restrooms, each time I saw a man pee, Igrabbed his organ and said, "donate money to Israel or I will cut-offyour balls."

The customs agent is stunned and mumbles: "Well...it's a veryinteresting story... what do you have in the other bag?"

The man says, "You would not believe how many people in Europe do notsupport Israel"

ba-boom-boom-CLANK!

2005-01-18T02:31:00.000+02:00

what of those we see but never speak to? those who fill momentary daylight dreams and the twilight consciousness before sleep conquers us? do they see us? do they dream of who we might be, of what we are and are not? do they wonder how fast our hearts beat or how we spent childhood summers? do they imagine shame or our deepest miseries? do they spend the twilight of their consciousness dieing with us into old age? as we have done so many times.

twilight fades with the memory of strangers.

2005-01-17T21:49:00.000+02:00

Just listened to Etta James' version of Randy Newmans 'God's Song (That's Why I Love Mankind)'

(although i'm a bit suspicious, cos she'd have to have been quite old to have covered one of his songs, but who am i to challenge google?)

anyway, here are the lyrics:

Cain slew Abel Seth knew not why
For if the children of Israel were to multiply
Why must any of the children die?
So he asked the Lord And the Lord said:
Man means nothing he means less to me
Than the lowliest cactus flower
Or the humblest Yucca tree
He chases round this desert
'Cause he thinks that's where I'll be
That's why I love mankind

I recoil in horror from the foulness of thee
From the squalor and the filth and the misery
How we laugh up here in heaven at the prayers you offer me
That's why I love mankind

The Christians and the Jews were having a jamboree
The Buddhists and the Hindus joined on satellite TV
They picked their four greatest priests
And they began to speak
They said, "Lord, a plague is on the world
Lord, no man is free
The temples that we built to you
Have tumbled into the sea
Lord, if you won't take care of us
Won't you please, please let us be?"
And the Lord said I burn down your cities-how blind you must be
I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
You all must be crazy to put your faith in me
That's why I love mankind

You really need me
That's why I love mankind

2005-01-17T01:00:00.000+02:00

i love six feet under. love it. i'd buy a dvd player just to own all the episodes. i wish i knew which ones i've missed. one day i'll have to sit down and just watch all of them. perhaps i should find someone willing to sit with me. anyone? anyone?

....adventure...think adventure.....

2005-01-16T20:49:00.000+02:00

the AFP are such scum, really. it's not just their normal anti-israel, anti-american bias, it's there completely shoddy reporting. just look at this. it's like the entire press agency is run by french jason blayers.

2005-01-16T01:59:00.000+02:00

is there anything more torturous than renting a DVD that's all scratched up, to the point where no matter how much you huff and puff and do that weird *heeeh* hot breath blowing thing on it, it's still fucked up? all the actors start stuttering and it looks like everyone's doing the mr. roboto dance. still, it came out of a vending machine, and i dont think i'll ever get over how neat that is. oh, i rented the life of david gale. pretty good.

i've also discovered myspace.com, a good long time after everyone else abandoned lame friendster and moved on to this new fangled thing. well, we all know how i feel about technology. it's all one big tsunami waiting to suck me in. paranoid? never. bah. not really. i'm exaggerating. sorta. yes. maybe.

perhaps i have a weird desire to be watched. perhaps im just bored. perhaps im just finding ridiculous ways to keep myself from doing things i should be doing. bafhdaflkdajflk. minor outbursts. bear with me. i need to go have an adventure. i need to do something exciting. it'll happen. i feel it brewing. whatever it's going to be, it's going to be big. real big. kaplowi big. sumo big. uber-big. just wait. ooooh, just you wait....

2005-01-13T21:40:00.000+02:00

hmmm.. i wish i had something insightful to write about, but i haven't been feeling particularly insightful lately. am i ever insightful? not too likely. hmmm, wait, i think i've got something.

so in history and historiography we were talking about Yazid Saygh (that's Sy-er) and his book Armed Struggle and the Search for State. Probably the best account of Palestinian nationalism written. We discussed how Saygh never uses the word 'terrorism' in his book. this is understandable. he doesn't refer to either jewish or arab terrorism as such. the stern gang and hamas are demarkated as terrorist organizations. this is quite respectable on saygh's part as he's writing history, and in doing so he's giving the reader the facts and leaving the judgement up to others. terrorism is a label that carries a lot of weight, and that weight can often be misproportioned. anyway, i wont get into all that.

i did, however, think of an interesting story that i'll bring up next time to see what the prof has to say. back in high school a friend of mine had a button with a swastika with the international sign for 'no' across it. (i.e. no smoking). A teacher stopped her and told her to take it off because it would offend someone. she retorted, "who am i going to offend? nazis?"

there's something appropriate in this when it comes to using the word terrorism. the problem of giving a clear definition that covers all grounds. well, there are certain cases that are clearly acts of terror. i think if a writer gives a definition of terror, than certain cases can safely be referred to as such, while others will simply have to be left ambiguous. however, the writer would still be quite bold in doing this, and i'm not convinced using a term like terrorism is necessary or appropriate when writing history. all one needs to do is explain, say, the munich olympics and what happened. the word terrorism is not necesary.

even as i write this i'm coming up with all kinds of conflicting notions about this. i'll have to think about this more when i'm a bit less cold. damn winter.

2005-01-12T01:01:00.000+02:00

memo to Ben & Jerry:

fuck you. one miniscule swirl of fudge in my dulce de leche with fudge ice cream? i guess technically you didn't lie, but you still make me want to go all Cherlize Theron in Monster on your ass for being a couple of nerdy Newhampshire cuntfaces. gimmie my fudge dammnit! you know how many tsumani victims i can feed for the cost of one of these things? i hate you.

2005-01-09T22:56:00.000+02:00

i need to kill five minutes before 'six feet under' comes on. it's the only show i watch, and for some stupid reason i thought it was on at 12 not 11 last week and only saw the last five minutes. might have something to do with my computer clock being an hour ahead all the time. it just wont go back to normal. well, eventually daylight savings time will kick in.

passia was a hit. i found a doctorate written at the american university in beirut about black september back in the early 80's. the author later went on to be a minister of information (i believe) in jordan. still, she wrote it well before any archival information was available, so i'm still one up. there was also a book that Dr. Hadthi wrote (the guy is seriously brilliant) that has a huge section on black september and the before and after. also a few arabic sources that lord only knows how i'll translate.

i have to go back so i can borrow the stuff. he couldnt lend it out because he doesnt know how that works and he was the only one working on account of orthodox xmas. which is funny, because most of the people working there are muslim. he was getting bombarded by diplomats and reporters, but still took the time to sit with T and i. he even picked us up from the american colony hotel so we wouldnt have to wander around east jerusalem. the first thing he did was complain that he was the only one working, "I am, how do you say, stupid." well, whatever he is he was really helpful.

and now that i've filled you with pointless tidbits of what's happening in my life, i'm off to see six feet under!

2005-01-07T17:20:00.000+02:00

as mike says, "oh, Richard Gere needs to die already."

i'm waiting for the Arab pop-star rendition of "do they know it's ramadan?"

2005-01-05T01:33:00.000+02:00

it's gonna be a full weekend. thursday night i'm (hopefully) seeing R, from Spain fame, while she's here on birthright. friday i'm supposed to meet up with S and (different) R who i haven't seen in about 2 years, and saturday i'm heading off with T to East Jerusalem to visit PASSIA and do some research there. we're meeting the director of the joint Dr. Mahdi Abdul Hadi. Hopefully I should be able to get some good stuff for the thesis. If anything it'll be interesting to speak with Dr. Hadi. Luckily we won't have to wander around East Jerusalem looking for the place as the Advisor is buddies with Hadi and they'll be sending a car to pick us up from the American Coloney in Jerusalem and taking us to PASSIA. The Advisor is also going to email Adnan Abu Odeh and two journalists in Jordan to see if they'll speak to me. I'd like to get over there with D in April during Passover break. Not looking forward to telling the parents about the trip as they're very much against me going back to Jordan. I can understand why, but to be fair, the last time i went there a bomb went off in tel aviv. um, so there. Anyway, i wouldn't be going alone (which i think is what worries them more, because i had mentioned something about going there after London to do research). D also wants to try and get into the Jordanian National Archives. I need to talk to the Advisor about that and see what he says. I'm not sure they'll let us in, and if they do, i'm not sure i'll be able to get what i need. still, it's all in good fun. speaking of arabic, i'd better get some sleep so i can get up early and do my homework.

2004-12-30T01:27:00.000+02:00

ok, translated another poem, but still didnt study hard enough for my hebrew test. eh, whatever. it's my last one ever. again, yehuda amickai...

"God Full of Mercy"

But for the God full of mercy
The mercies would be in the world and not just in his.
I, who picked flowers on the mountain
And looked over all the valleys,
I who carried corpses from the hills,
Know to tell that the world is empty of mercy.

I, who was the king of salt by the sea,
Who stood without a decision next to my window,
Who counted angel’s steps
That my heart lifted weights of pain
In the horrific competitions.

I who uses but a small portion
Of the words in the dictionary.
I, who must solve riddles against my will
Know if but for the god full of mercy
There would be mercy in the world
And not just in his.

2004-12-28T11:34:00.000+02:00

i'm torn between wanting a nap (undeserved, as i've found an addiction in internet backgammon...sheshbesh for those keen on the colloquial) and doing some translating. how this equals out to posting, but apparently it does.

i got my paper back on terror financing. there's a story that goes with this, and that's why i'm telling you.

i emailed the prof...we'll call him professor prick...asking if we could meet to discuss my topic. the reply..."absolutely not, i can't help you more than i help other students." Ok, well, keep in mind all i asked was to meet him in his office to talk about my topic. and no, he's not israeli. or american. he's actually british, but since no brit could ever conceive of being so impolite he is merely an imposter who can only be identified as 'prick.' now i run into him a month ago and he asks me where my paper is, so again i tell him that i'm not feeling all that comfortable with the paper and would like to meet him to discuss it. "absolutely not." thanks professor prick. he asks me when i'll hand it in and i tell him any deadline is obviously up to him. he says that means it's up to me. great, no time limit. two weeks later professor prick tells me 'i was going to email you, everyone else handed their papers in ages ago. you have until the end of the semester.' note here, less than half the class has turned in their papers to date and none of them ever heard anything about a deadline. so whatever, i just printed it out and handed it in at the office. i got a 93, but that still doesnt make up for the fact that he's a huge chunk of anal crust.

fin.

oh, i shaved off my beard this morning and now my face is fucking freezing. everytime i exhale it's like a stream of cold are going down my upper lip and over my chin. i've also learned that a beard makes your face very dirty and when you get rid of it you will look like you did when you were 15. i think if i ever grow another one i'll never shave it off. at least not in the middle of winter. (yes its cold here, shut up. actually, it's gorgeous, but it's freezing inside. fucking cynderblock buildings)

ok, i should go do...something

2004-12-26T22:37:00.000+02:00

So i've been translating poems by Yehuda Amichai. I'd link you to something there, but i havent found any good sites related to him, so you can do your own search. It's very difficult to translate Hebrew poetry because not only are semitic languages so very different from romance languages and germanic languages, but they are very pliable languages. it's really easy to play with the words, and the nuances are very different as are the specificities (word?).

anyway, here's a few that i translated. I'll update if there's any improvement in the translations:

Jerusalem 1985
Wishes are stuck in the graves of the Western Wall,
Pieces of paper wrinkled and stuck.
Against them a note stuck in an old metal door
Partly hidden in a Jasmine bush
"I could not come,
I hope you will understand."

From Man You are and to Man You Will Be Again
Death in the war begins
On the way down the stairs
For one young man
Death in the war begins
In the closing of a door in silence
Death in the war begins
In the opening of the window to the sight
So do not cry for the one going,
Cry for the one going down the stairs of his house
Cry for the one putting his key
Into his back pocket.
Cry to the photograph that remembers in our place
Cry to the paper that remembers,
Cry to the tears that do not remember
And in this spring
Who will rise and say to the dust:
From man you are and to man you will be again.

Thus I Will Be Increased and Thus I Will Be Holy
Between things falling and between things rising in haste
(does there) Exist a place to linger, to remain?
Between things dying and between things living
(does there) Exist a place for living in tranquillity in his house,
For one sitting in his place, for the seer, for the seen?
I am a judge, a single judgment sits on a chair
And there is no accuser and there is no accused
Only witnesses, witnesses, testimonies, testimonies.
In my childhood I knew what disease is in man,
I understood diseased animals,
In my maturity I learned that also trees
Can be diseased and suffer in silence.
I will still live to understand diseased stone,
Suffering rock, afflicted rock.
Thus the universe will encircle me. Silently.
Their silence speaks and the living will be silent. This is my place
And thus I will be increased and thus I will be holy.

2004-12-24T14:14:00.000+02:00

I sent a festivus greeting card to my sister telling her she's a disappointment. I also sent it to a few other people, but then got tired of the tediousness of the task. Still, happy festivus to the rest of us. i think i'll have a festivus party next year. if my apartment were bigger i could have had one here.

so according to this my birthday song in the states was some crappy song by Air Supply, but thankfully in britain it was the specials' "ghost town." i'll take that as a good sign.

i've also been using Yahoo's Music Launch thing. I've been enjoying it because while you're totally limited in what genres you can pick individually, you can make a huge collective of different genres by creating your own station. there are pros and cons to this. the pros are that you rate the songs/artists/albums and yahoo slowly learns what you like. It's not bad at this, and i've heard a couple of new artists that i like and never heard of.

on the con side they throw in these 30 second ads every four or five songs. but the commercials are really funny. for some reason most of them are aimed at what i can only assume would be dubbed 'urban nerds.' i particularly like Launch's self-congradulatory commercial featuring a guy who's doing his best to sound like he's straight outta the hood (or the trunk or the rear axel or whatever it is) but is doing a terrible job of it. please, you want ghetto we'll go to warsaw bee-otch. ugh..yeah.

as long as you keep rating the stuff, it gets better. but they dont seem to have enough albums of different artists. my player just played Mos Def, which reminds me of the time he came to New Paltz during my year long sojurne at New York's hippie capital, and showed up two hours late, stoned and drunk, played two songs, demanded his money, and promptly left to go beat his bitches. ah, good times.

saw oceans 12 yesterday. good flick, but it felt they just kinda made it up as they went along. brad pitt doesnt eat enough during the movie. the best part is...well, i wont say, but the funniest part is when george clooney asks everyone if he looks fifty and they all say he does.

bah, merry festivus

2004-12-20T19:54:00.000+02:00

fucking brilliant

personal favorite: "Chomsky: How do you think these wizards build gigantic towers and mighty fortresses? Where do they get the money? Keep in mind that I do not especially regard anyone, Saruman included, as an agent for progressivism. But obviously the pipe-weed operation that exists is the dominant influence in Middle Earth. It's not some ludicrous magical ring."

oh, and i like this one from hitchens on the 60's.

2004-12-13T22:27:00.000+02:00

so today before class starts, The Advisor (as he shall be known from now on) points me and says, "you, we need to talk after class, i have news." I wish his face was more readable "good news or bad news." He looks ??surprised/confused??? for just a brief moment and says, "good news. no problem" and then makes that hand gesture which in baseball means "safe" and in israeli parlance means "all taken care off" although it's done far less dramatically (unfortunatly).

so guess what kids, i'm going to london for four weeks! rawk on. four weeks in the national archives. i'm very excited. in other archive news i got an email from the folks at the nixon archives. man are those people on top of their game. they (actually, one very kind researcher there) sent me an email with all kinds of good information that will help me. looks like i'll be in washington for a week come february. that's exciting cos i havent been there in about 10 years and would really like to see the smithsonian and do a white house tour (i dont think i ever took one, and it just doesnt seem right not to have done that at least once in my life).

i got a congradulations and a minor chewing out by dad today. the former regarding the grant, the latter regarding my possible journey to jordan to do research. that's very iffy. it would totally depend on what i dig up at the archives and if there's anyone The Advisor can hook me up with over there. I shall have to discuss it with him more throughly. I know he's not big on interviews. besides, its really the sort of thing i should only be doing if this ends up being publication worthy. well, we'll see where this takes us. probably best to just get all the archived material from here, the US, and london and write out the thesis, then see what turns up before i start applying to scholarships to do work in jordan.

so this is good. i have a plan. leave here at the end of july, be in london, get back to new york in september to write my thesis, finish in a few months, then find an LSAT course and take the bloody test already....which means come summer i'll be a free man.

options options.....the dream is still to just get a pickup truck, a dog, and drive around the country working odd jobs while spending my free time just reading, writing, and wandering. it should be feasible. then again, i've also thought of going to volunteer doing something outdoors up in alaska. i miss that place so much. still, as josh says, 'live the dream' so i'll try. that's still a fair ways away and i've got lots of reading to get to.

2004-12-06T21:03:00.000+02:00

ok, i'm a big fan of the steven martin "king tut" skit...although i certainly seem to be alone in this (at least with anyone under 30...please, like you didnt know there was a little old man hidden inside me?) so i truly enjoyed this

funky tut

i was tempted the other day to take a picture of the beautiful blue skies we've been having, but then thought of the rage of jealousy that you would all get thrown into (although they say the rain will really start tomorrow...and if so then it'll probably stay for two months)

visiting home in february is going to fucking kill me...i dont remember what snow is like. fuckblarggle.

no final word yet on my grant from school, but my advisor says he thinks there should be no problem getting it. it's actually from something called the lewis fund, of which i have a sneaking suspicion is connected to bernard lewis, which is just dandy by me. then again, it could just be my advisor pulling strings. well, he does have an office next to lewis'. Although my advisor has the much nicer one. then again, lewis doesnt teach here, he just gets an honorary office. could be a closet. i'm not sure. he also shares the honorary office/closet with the university president. hmmm, suspicious.

i feel like i had a lot more to say, but i guess not. maybe i'm just really friggin tired. it's possible. i have so much shit to get done. fuuuuuucklafjalrrraggleballllgle. is there a gland that produces laziness? cos i need to remove that shit fast.

2004-11-29T20:22:00.000+02:00

this one's pretty good

best line: "Dorothy Parker employed both senses [of the word 'fuck'] memorably when asked by a friend why he had not seen her for some time: 'I've been too fucking busy and vice versa,' she replied."

2004-11-23T20:43:00.000+02:00

huge huge huge thanks go out to Josh for his incredibly generous donation. if the little redheaded genious (and if you think i'm exaggerating go look at his blog and check out what he studies) has faith in me, then i feel much more confident.

2004-11-21T20:35:00.000+02:00

A handful of words is all it took. to bring me down, that is. the good news is that my advisor says he's getting closer to snatching up 500 pounds (i dont have that little squiggly L symbol) which would cover room and board for me in england for a month. i'm still not sure what will happen after that. there's a great looking scholarship to do research in Jordan with room, board, and stipend. hot dog. if i can get it. we'll see.

back to the handful of words...and here i warn you, this post will be more boring and whiney than anything regarding my thesis, so you may want to go have a giggle at despair while i ramble.

"is there anyone you want to bring?" there wasn't any particular tone, but there was that little catch of breath at the end of the sentence. that question within the question. the occasion is thanks giving and while i'd been mentioning to a few people that i think we should get a group together to celebrate, i happened to walk in on three of these folks right after class discussing it. pretty harmless, although the three are actually six, as in couples. now, i've nothing against couples. i've even been half a couple now and again, but my sebaticle/penance (my penaticle?) has left me one whole single person. which is just the dickens for me until a little gathering like this comes along. i sputtered some kind of acceptance although tomorrow i'll recind. just doenst seems like it would be a great little time until it just got completely and utterly awkward. throwing in another single person wouldnt aleviate things, you need at least three to make it work and there can't be any attraction between two of those three or youre even worse off than you were before (this, assuming, youre as neurotic and repressed as i am and find yourself analyzing these situations). point being, that said point has been driven home. i am single, alone, uno es el numero lonliesto, and completely free. i mean, i can hop over to london for a month, go to jordan for a few months, go back to new york, stay here, buy that pickup truck and cruise the states for a year....whatever. that's the upside, and for someone like me that's a big upside. the downside comes when youre drinking coffee and listening to old Platters tunes while swinging your heart around like a fucking yoyo. sorry for the splatter, please use the complementary wet naps.

well, the record comes to an end, and then you just throw on something else. music appropriate for speeding past desert towns at dusk. kicking up a handful of words like a handful of dust.

2004-11-16T01:57:00.000+02:00

It's late and i'm tired and i should be asleep (long day, but W's email surely cheered me up)...and now i've come across this article...

read it? now it's not something that new. a "lot" of papers have been printing this story. not giving it the attention it deserves though...still, i just want to point something out that i imagine most of us would normally just gloss over or mutter a "damn" under our breaths...it's this little bit:

"Just six metres away on the same street lay the decomposing corpse of a blonde-haired white woman, too disfigured for swift identification but presumed to be the body of one of the many foreign hostages kidnapped by the rebels.
It was initially thought to be either the body of Margaret Hassan, the Dublin-born aid worker with dual British and Iraqi nationality who was kidnapped last month, or a Polish woman kidnapped two weeks ago. A Polish official said today there was no evidence to suggest that the body was that of the kidnapped Pole."

can we just stop for a second. this is a human being. it's clearly one of either of these two women, and now both of their families have to live in worse fear and grief than they've already lived with. why on earth would they report this? what value does this hold? would it make a difference if they waited until the body was identified and the family was informed? i'm sure it would make a hell of a difference to the family.

really, beyond all else wrong with the media, beyond the simpering partisanship, the lies and forgeries, the feigned objectivity, the political motivation, there is this. the utter lack of humanity. the absence of decency and dignity and respect for human life. if it bleeds it leads. do we have to wait until it's the publishers family member found dismembered, rotting in the middle of a street for the media to realize their behavior? no, i dont think even that would make a difference. it's all about the story. getting it first or getting it like everyone else. after all, if one paper puts it in, they all have to put it in. and the lesson the journalists take from all this? go find that mutilated corpse first...go find that story first...because they're not people, they're stories.

so how does this affect me? well, i'll let you in on a little insight. looking for housing for my month in london i've looked at all kinds of places. one is a very nice little student housing organization. seem very decent and polite. during the exchange of emails one of the questions they asked me was what my nationality was, so as to find the most suitable match for me (they stick me with a family, seems like a nice time)...but i have to sit there for 15 minutes deciding if to put down American or American/Israeli. Because i can hide the Israeli part if i have to. i did it travelling in jordan and there's no way anyone can tell the difference. But this is england we're talking about, not Jordan. but considering the worldly impression of Israel and Israeli's in the past few years (decades, if we're going to be honest, although it's been much worse recently), i have to actually wonder if i can be honest about who i am. why? because when i tell someone i'm israeli it's not unusual to be looked at the way a person looks at a television. i appear two-dimensional. i'm not real. i'm a part of the story, i'm as real to that person as a mutilated corpse rotting on a fallujah street. think i'm exaggerating? then you dont know about my email exchanges with Prof. Wilkie over at Oxford. You might know him as the guy who denied an Israeli Ph.D. student acceptance because he would "never work with an Israeli." Wilkie doesnt see Israeli's as individuals, as people, any more than he sees Iraqi's as people (perhaps he's changed since we spoke, but somehow i doubt it).

The difference between sympathy and hatred, and empathy and love is that the latter require you to see people as individuals, the former demand you see them as a reflection.

2004-11-14T23:06:00.000+02:00

<<=========== Take a gander over yonder. See that? that's what it's come down to. Well, actually, it's just another part of the grand plan to get to Washington D.C. and London to get research done for my M.A. thesis. So I thought i'd give a little insight into what this thesis business is all about. Well, it's on Black September: the 1970 Jordanian Civil War. Like i've said before, no one has ever throughly researched the topic. There are good reasons for this. One is that the archive material in D.C. and London has only recently been released (this is the stuff i need), beyond that there is the fact that the Jordanians don't talk about it for good reason, and the Palestinians don't talk about it for very good reason. After all, creating a violent state-within-a-state the way they did does not exactly come off as very endearing. So to this day no one knows for sure how many Palestinians were killed in the fighting (Arafat was screaming 30,000 dead when he met with Nasser a week into the war, but Red Crescent figures put it at 3,000). Most of the information out there has to do with the US, Israel, Britain, the USSR and the UN. Still, even lots of information on what these outside players were doing has only recently been released from the archives. What i can tell you is that the entire story is incredibly fascinating. It explains what happened in the formative years of the PLO after Arafat took power, the origination of airline hijacking for "political gain", the secret Israel-Jordanian relations, how the Arab states manipulated the Palestinian issue after '67, and how the middle east played into the cold war (more than one washington insider saw this as a possible lead into all out war between the superpowers). Perhaps most fascinating, it tells the story of the early attempts at making peace agreements between Israel and the Arab states. It shows how the patterns of what is attempted and what fails repeats itself in ways that are remarkably similar. Envoys and accords, inqueries and submissions. The events showed how treacherous Arafat could be, and the precarious position of King Hussein. The war solidified the Jordanian identity and served as a strong lesson to be learned by both the PLO and the Arab states in dealing with the organization.

The birth of modern terrorism, a cold war hotspot, famous players, a conflict that changed everything below the surface....you'd think someone would have tackled this issue. But alas, it has been swallowed between the events of 1967 and 1973.

Here are a couple of fun tidbits:

Two years after the war ended there were still mild pockets of fedayeen around Irbid, Jordan. The King had the army make one final sweep to fully rid the country of the problem. Some of the fedayeen chose to kill themselves and their families rather than surrender to the army, and about 200 fled across the Jordan towards Israel.

During the crisis Israeli Defense Minister Rabin called Secretary of State Kissinger to discuss Israel's calling up of its Air Force. Kissinger, desperatly seeking Nixon, finally found him...bowling in the basement of the Executive Office Building.

----------------

As for the grant hunt, it's still going on. Nothing new yet, but keep your fingers crossed. It's a bit of an odd topic, and the main actors in the story just wont fund it, especially when it's an Israeli-American writing it. Still, here's hoping...

2004-11-10T21:22:00.000+02:00

sweet toddle jesus breakdancing on the subway...how am i going to pay for this thesis? i've basically narrowed my need down to accommodation in london. considering that it's the most expensive city in the world, and as i'm a broke grad student (hey, i'm only 900 bucks shy of paying off tuition this year!...fuckblaargle)

perhaps i could just tent out somewhere in the city. surely they have homeless shelters in london. again, fuckblaargle.

here's something neat: http://www-personal.umich.edu/~mejn/election/

back to being fucked...yeah, i'm doing the grant searching, but it's not looking good. shouldnt someone out there want to support a grad student researching something that no one has ever studied before? i mean, black september was a big deal! c'mon folks! it explains so much about how we got to where we are in the middle east, especially in the palestinian realm. *sigh* i'm tired..........

2004-11-06T14:24:00.000+02:00

by county

2004-11-06T14:12:00.000+02:00

gosh...how many crazy things can happen since i last wrote? i never commented on how the red sox won, which, while sad for any decent new yorker, is still pretty amazing. arafat is gonna die. it's about time and i hope he's suffering. there's some rumors going around (they've been around for a long while, but now that he's about to kick the eternal bucket they've resurfaced. ready for this? arafat has aids. yup, the rumor is that he's been known to have sex with young boys and orgies with his security guys. it's great that no matter how old a person can be, or even if they've become the leader of a national movement, his opponents can still come back with, "you're gay!"

biggest political news, obviously, that little map down there. pretty interesting. you hear a lot about how people in new york are so upset and believe that bush just carried all those ol' time religion jesus folks in the middle of the country. well, hate to burst that little bubble, but that's crap. no matter where you are, the margin was very slim. bush carried some 40% of new york. so even if youre living in manhatten, remember, it's not folks in the midwest that you hate, it's your neighbors.

there's all this talk about how people voted because of values. well, perhaps they did. not born-again christian values, but a different kind of values that people traditionally look for in a leader. someone who doesnt waver once he's made a decision. someone who isnt afraid to tell who he really is. a lot of people like the idea that their president prays. personally, i dont much care either way, since W isnt asking me to go to church. i like that he values idealism. i mean, what other president in the last 40 or 50 years would have the courage to decide we're not just going to destroy the taliban, but turn that country into a democracy. i know that it's barely been noticed, but the same day that bush was elected, hamid karzai was officially made president of afghanistan. afghanistan held an election! there is now democracy in a place that has known war for a century. a nation built of tribes and clans. of course we'll only know if this was a true success after an election that peacefully transfers control to a new government. still, considering that the challenge comes from religious extremists and not political challengers, it's been an amazing election. imagine walking for 3 days in the rain to vote? just think about that. if nothing else, Bush will go down in history as having done something incredible.

i wont go through bush's economic plans. i'm not an economist and dont pretend to be. i know that considering the pseudo-recession started before he came into office, and that 9/11 happened so soon after he took office, the economy has held in there pretty darn well. healthcare is still a big issue, as it always was. the problem is that the health care industry in america is a 2 trillion dollar a year industry. how the hell can anyone manage that? universal healthcare has worked very well in france and well in germany. however, in england it's been a nightmare, and in canada its teetering on the brink. (note to unmentioned hollywood types: might want to rethink your little move to our northern neighbors) So to blame bush for it is a bit unreasonable, considering that there is indeed a war on.

and back to iraq. how many times do the points have to be made? everyone believed there were WMD's and Saddam wasn't denying it. History showed that he had them and liked using them. to be upset that innocent people have been killed is reasonable, natural, and one hopes that everyone is upset by that. but where were all these people when saddam was killing off millions of innocent men, women, and children. pathologists that worked in bosnia have been working the mass graves in iraq. they're saying that they've never seen anything like this. bosnia generally had graves full of men agest 16-30, but they're finding mass graves of women, elderly, and children. one pathologist described finding thigh bones the size of match sticks. do i really need to repeat that or will you go ahead and read it again, please? maybe things could have gone better in iraq after the war, maybe they could have gone worse. but i know in my head and my heart that pulling out (as kerry promised he would. first after two years, then later he said after one year, then he said after six months) would have been a horrible mistake. i know that all the talk about afghanistan two years ago was similar to what we're hearing now about iraq. i hope that in the next two years we see a huge change in iraq. for the better, naturally.

there's a lot to say about all this, naturally, but i just dont have time. papers to write, things to read.

2004-10-27T20:57:00.000+02:00

whooo....it's been a long week and a half. lets see if we can do a quick sum up. school started. A and I saved a womans bag from a thief, i might have a thesis topic, school started, i found someone to teach me how to speak arabic, and.....i think that might be it.

schools good, i'm taking A Documentary Study of Palestinian Nationalism, History and Historiography of the Arab-Israeli conflict, and some class on central asia, but mostly because the prof. is big and jolly like santa clause.

side note: santa clause in holland is really quite the sick fuck. first off, he doesnt have elves, he has 6-8 black men (actually they're white guys that put on black face and paint their lips red) who go around taking the bad kids, putting them in burlap sacks, beating them, and then deporting them to spain. the dutch are twisted. but they're so polite!

naturally i also have hebrew and arabic class. i've also found someone to take up my offer to teach me how to speak arabic in return for teaching them english. i hope it goes well.

i might have my thesis topic down. ready? Black September: The 1970 Jordanian Civil War. It's an untouched topic. no one's ever tackled it. i might have to get to london to go through the british archives, but i've seen that i can order documents from them online. i've requested some just to see how the material is. i'd also have to talk to my advisor (same guy mentioned a few posts back....wait...did i talk about this already? it's possible...) anyway, he's got great connections in jordan, and so this could turn into something really fantastic. although dad just called a little while ago pretty upset over the thought of me travelling to jordan again. i understand him, but i'm really into this topic....it's a hard choice. lots of conflicting notions about going to any arab country. *sigh* life life life.

bah, i wont get into it. oh, A and i saving the womans bag. not that crazy of a story unless you were there. no violence or anything. she wasnt nearly as grateful as you'd expect though. that whore.

instead, lets share funny things.
in hebrew, the word "nes" means miracle. it's also shorthand for nescafe (instant coffee for the laymen)...so naturally when you ask for a big instant coffee, "nes gadol" what youre asking for is a big miracle.

good israeli response to any hypothetical situation: "and if grandma had wheels she'd be a bus."

in arabic, jesus christ is loosely translated into "mister messiah." not to be confused with mister roboto, mister miyagi, or mister rogers.

other good israeli slang: "kosemekh"-literally, your mothers cunt; "lizrok za'yn"-literally, to throw a dick, meaning, to be a jerk

ok, that's enough for now.

2004-10-17T22:01:00.000+02:00

School started today. There was a meeting in the afternoon where we met a couple of the new first year students. looks like a nice bunch, wish i'd met more of them, but there were a lot of people from my year that i hadnt seen all summer. T gave me a nice surprise; a caramel packed with a little sumthin-sumthin. wink wink, nudge nudge.

Had a class on Palestinian nationalism with a great prof. I read one of his books, and his introduction was briliant. All about the need for the historian to empathize with his subject. Not sympathize, mind you, empathize. It's a world of difference, and empathy is vastly important. If i get my hands on that book again maybe i'll quote a little for you.

Anyway, here's a tidbit i just came across in one of my readings.

"To stand up and declare loudly what history can achieve is fully as important as pointing out its limitations and duplicities. In this century, in particular, millions of men and women have died because they or others believed fabrications about the past fed them by politicians, by journalists, by fanatics - and by bad historians as well. If historians have any public function at all, and they should have, it is to point out that the past cannot be entirely mocked; that some truths can be ascertained amidst the myths, the memories, and the doubts. If they fail to do this, they deserve nothing better than...to be hounded from the shelter of academe and buried in unknown graves." - Linda Colley

2004-10-13T20:57:00.000+02:00

i've been feeling a bit romantic as of late. perhaps it's all the reading i've been doing on terror financing. or listening to massive attack. maybe it's the beard. either way, considering that i've also been feeling acutely screwed up as of late, albeit in a calm serene kind of way, it may not be best to actively seek an outlet for these romantic stirrings.

have i really brought this topic up twice in one week? sheesh. someone find a sweatsock and jam it down my throat like an amish grandmother churning butter.

i wish my hebrew was better. it's good enough to carry any conversation, but not on a higher level. i speak street hebrew, not university hebrew. that bothers me. apparently not enough to actively fight it though. ah well. i shall try. at the very least i should start reading more.

not much else to discuss, except it's always exciting to discover that people i dont know are reading this. pretty crazy. am i really that fascinating? i doubt it. but i understand voyeurism. so it's cool.

2004-10-12T21:47:00.000+02:00

Man was not made to shit and recline. No, i'm not being philosophical here, i mean it, man was not built to shit while reclining. Which is a damn shame, because who wouldn't want to kick their feet up and relax while pooping. Let's be honest. Don't make that face, you know you'd love it if you could lay back in one of those giant British Airways first class super-beds they always advertise, and just poop your little heart, er, colon out. But alas, we shall have to wait for the next stage in evolution for that little gem.

Anyway. Last night D and I went down to the beach to, well, just sit on the beach. It's nice at night cos it's usually really quiet and it's still warm out. We went to the religious beach, as per usual, since it has that nice wall around it which allows for a certain sense of detachment. (as though anyone here needed to feel more detached) well, there happened to be a bunch of religious guys there last night too, about 7 or 8 of them. Young guys, around 20, and they were quite jovial. Some of them ran into the water dancing and singing. Very funny. I've never been particularly (read, at all) religious, although i've never hidden my small envy of those that truly love devoting themselves to their faith (or anything, really).

D had his gee-tar with him, and some of the religious guys that didnt go swimming came up to us and wanted him to play for them. D was quite shy with them, which was surprising as he's a fair bit more religious than i am, and generally tends to like opportunitys to speak in hebrew (he came here not knowing a word, and has made some really impressive progress). I on the other hand, was quite friendly. Perhaps it was the Johnny Walker. The three religious kids were really impressed with my flask, although they wouldnt take a drink. They really liked smelling the alcohol though. They didnt think they could handle it though, and i couldnt convince them to take a swig. It's funny when D takes a sip, cos he makes this awful face and lets out this kind of painful hissing sigh, then promptly asks me, "how the hell can you drink this stuff straight like that?" Years of practice boy, years of practice.

One of the religious guys, we'll call him A, stuck around. He and i started talking and after a half hour or so D picked up and went home. A and i kept talking and talking until almost 4 am. It was my first real conversation with a haredi. We're talking white shirt, black pants, black skullcap, studying torah from 7am until 1am (he's on vacation until sunday, hence being at the beach so late). Still, it really wasnt the kind of conversation one would expect at all. We talked about god, of course (i was pleasently surprised that he didnt push anything on me, not in the least, perhaps not unlike the way meat eaters are surprised that i dont push vegetarianism on them. although i wasnt nearly as suspicious of him as meat eaters are of me). We also talked about secular-religious relations here in israel. He seemed honest and open about it. he didnt understand why the secular are so vicious to the religious (and they can be), and he really seems to push for better understanding between the two.

We talked a lot about women. He was very focused on this. He was also really surprised by a lot of my answers to his questions. He's a sweet guy, apparently very shy around girls. I told him he shouldnt be. He was really shocked that i hadnt slept with anyone in three months, he seems to be under the impression that anyone secular has sex every day, all the time. He was particularly unnerved over my "it's just sex" comment. I explained that eventually you get to the point in life that, if you dont really feel for someone, then it's just sex and it probably wont happen more than once or twice. This of course is just me. I realize now that i was surprisingly open about what i want. i went on about my "we're all ugly at 80" thing about why you want to find someone that you really love to be with. I was much more impassioned last night than i am now, and probably a good deal more poetic, but then again, i had been drinking. Either way, he seemed quite impressed. On the other hand, he has to stay virgin until he gets married, so perhaps anything i have to say about sex would have appeared impressive.

We also talked a little politics, as per usual here. he said that he's usually left, but whenever there's a bombing he just feels like he's on the far right of the spectrum. it's understandable. Still he seemed quite tolerant. i dont know if that's age or wisdom, but i hope he stays that way. sweet guy.

anyway, tomorrow morning i'm off to hang out with saba yossef at some tv studio in givatyme. he's being interviewed for channel 2 apparently. i always like going to these things with him, i feel like a personal liason. i imagine he likes that feeling as well, perhaps it brings him back to his days in the big political circles.

2004-10-11T22:17:00.000+02:00

so i should probably be feeling lonely since i just made a huge thing of stirfry (came out quite good, thank you for asking) and i'm the only one here to eat it. not that i couldnt have invited friends over to join in (one might wonder why i did that, perhaps fear that it would turn out crap), but i didnt. it's actually a good question to ponder why i didnt do that. perhaps i've just been around people a lot the last couple of weeks and some time alone is called for. could well be it. i do like my alone time.

i guess perhaps this is an interlude. i'm at a strange point in life. i dont feel confident enough to start a serious relationship (see previous relationships....on second thought, dont) yet the casual couple-o-night stands just arent satisfying. i guess i've realized that the next time i meet someone that i want to be with, it'll have to be someone i'm truly in love with. problem is, will said lovee also be lover? it wouldnt be easy for said lovee. sure, might seem like a breeze at first, but so does a storm. (oooh, how poetic and selfdeluted!)

I think people can be quite cruel, even with the best of intentions. suspicion of said cruelty in just as terrible. If Person 1 is apparently incapable of falling in love with all the trust, openess, honesty, etc. it requires because of X reasons, and Person 2 claims to be in love with Person 1, can it not be simply for the reason that Person 1 is so repressed and closed off that what Person 2 really feels is an insatiable curiousity, even deep sympathy, for Person 1, and thus confuses these emotions for love. Things are more complicated when Person 2 is a female, as females are generally prone to reaching out and trying to heal those in need, even patheticly repressed men. perhaps especially pathetically repressed men.

So should pathetically repressed Person 1 need to give in to Person 2's feelings of alleged love, only knowing that Person 2 will not be so eager be with Person 1 once he has been pathetically open, honest, trusting, etc?

No, i imagine what Person 1 needs is someone that sees right through his bullshit and can still care for him. But that would take some serious 8-day burning oil miracle type shit.

Either way, Person 1 clearly needs to get some serious help before he eats all the stir-fry, because lets face it, the only thing worse than being pathetic, repressed, and in need of help, is being pathetic, repressed, in need of help, and fat.

UPDATE

so remember the last post? well, look at this article on Kerry in the NY Times Magazine...very revealing. but what i particularly liked was this part:

"Kerry's guardedness has contributed to the impression that he does not think clearly or boldly about foreign policy. In his short but fascinating book titled ''Surprise, Security and the American Experience,'' the Yale historian John Lewis Gaddis suggests that Bush's framework for fighting terrorism has its roots in the lofty, idealistic tradition of John Quincy Adams and Woodrow Wilson. (The book was so popular in the White House that Gaddis was invited over for a discussion.) ''What Bush is proposing is quite long-term, quite radical and quite Wilsonian,'' Gaddis told me when we spoke; when I asked him about Kerry, he said: ''I don't know where Kerry is on this. I don't have the slightest clue.''

maybe i'm not so full of shit after all....

2004-10-09T20:50:00.000+02:00

I have a cousin in Florida who's a classic American liberal. I still love him though. Anyway, i just sent him an email that i thought i'd share.

Perhaps, at heart, I am an idealist, and that's the reason i like bush. I see hope. I see him changing the way the US has historically fought wars since WWII. I see the Reagan in him, the way he is taking on what everyone believes to be an impossible enemy with impossible schemes. The world sees a man whose intelligence they question, and i see Lincoln, the president known for being awkward and stumbling (until he would give a speech that left the audience breathless...here is where i imagine listening to bush giving a speech in a world where there are no constant tv pundits and commentators, spinners and counter-spinners, where there is just a man declaring his profound belief in democracy, liberty, and human rights). America has spent a century becoming the strongest nation on earth. It is without a doubt the strongest, most unique empire in history. However, since the end of the cold war what it has lacked is vision. I think this is often confused with having an enemy, but that is not what i mean. What i mean is going back to what the founding fathers called an "empire of liberty." I think, that on some level, 9/11 reminded some Americans of that dream, and how in the mess of the cold war and in the wake of the Soviet collapse, Americans had forgotten that dream. The 90's allowed America to get fat on its economy and finally sleep that heavy dreamless sleep it had yearned for since the second world war had ended. The communists were done for, it was timeto rest. But that was wrong, because the vision had not yet been fulfilled and the opportunity to work closer towards achieving it had been squandered. America continued to trade progress for stability as though the Soviets still existed. Imagine if Bush 41 had had the vision his son has, that he would have put the American troops on the road to Baghdad and said "It is time to bring democracy to this country." Imagine if he did it and had succeeded. It's not unthinkable. Almost all of the Arab states supported the war, and that particular gulf war had been the only time the UN actually succeeded in working as a cooperative body in employing the use of force.

I dont know how deeply i can state this: Iraq is not vietnam. It simply is not. The americans in Iraq today are not the draftees from Vietnam. They know why they are there. Every heavily publicized battle is followed up a month or two later by a far less publicized success in defeating that insurgency. Al-Sadr and his Mahdi army have been reduced to ashes. There's no way to say that mistakes have not been made, but this is simply not on the scale of vietnam. Iraqis are in charge of their own government. They're going to hold elections in January. You dont organize elections, establish schools, rebuild\infrastructure, and conduct local elections (and they have taken place) by using B2 bombers and smart bombs. So much for Bush's foreign policy being focused solely on military might.

I dont confuse Israel's wars with America's. Some might be voting forBush on the grounds that he's good for Israel, but i believe that's a secondary product of him being in office. Bush knows enough that he wont get anything of our Arafat, and Sharon is a lieing snake. So he does what's logical, leave both sides to their own doing and step in when there's someone to talk to. But while Israels wars shouldnt be confused with America's, neither should they be compared. Anyway, i do hope youre wrong, because i just dont like the alternative to losing in Iraq or Afghanistan. Democracies are like people: born in blood, fragile, and they must learn to crawl beforethey can run.

2004-10-08T10:16:00.000+02:00

I dont really know how to start this. I'm thinking of last night, after i finally walked out because i couldnt watch the news anymore, how walking down the street you could hear the news still pouring out of the open windows. If i listened closely i probably could have heard an unbroken stream of reports and commentary. Mostly just about how no one knew anything. When they first kept trying to insist that it might have been a mere gas explosion, i wanted to start throwing things. Because you see in their eyes that the reporters are thinking the same thing that everyone else is thinking, "Obviously it was a terrorists, but please for the love of god let it be something else...gas explosion, mob hit, aliens invading, anything, i dont care just not another one."

If i'd started writing last night this would probably be more interesting, more full of emotion, but right now it's all just coming down and life is already back to normal. phone calls, plans, eating. The frustration and the anger and the drinking and the chain smoking ended sometime in the night. Forgotten until the early morning when the phone calls asking if you're ok. Then more television, until finally people start to wander off, remembering that there's something that needs to be done. the tv can wait. the news will be on later. it always is.

2004-10-05T01:58:00.000+02:00

i have a new phrase that i like, "word is born"

i hope i get to use it sometime. that would require someone to say something so true and sincere that i'd get to say it. something like, "hey d, youre a big fat jerkface with a crooked asshole." and then i could just sigh wearily with the boulder weight of age and whisper "word is born."

something like that.

i've also decided that being in debt with the bank sucks balls, because it essentially means i'm broke. and being broke is like having one long hangover. there are all these things you need to do, but each one makes you want to vomit all over your shoes. i wonder if bloody mary's in the morning would cure poverty.

ahh, life life life. what to do with you?

watched sean of the dead, the british zombie romantic comedy. good flick. very british. the english know what i mean. fish and chips this, you fuckers! ahh....love the english.

introduced my friend to zardoz. she now understands why i can watch any film and afterwards say, "well, it's still no zardoz."still, after E watched it, she really seemed to understand what Boorman was trying to do. unfortunatly, she may be alone in this. personally, i just revel in showing the film to people for the first time. it's a true cult classic, not in the rocky horror sense that everyone has seen it and has gone through some rocky phase. no no, zardoz fans are true fans...there can be no bubbly joy, only hysterical insanity. NO NO I WILL NOT GO TO SECOND LEVEL WITH YOU NO NO!!! THE GUN IS GOOD, THE PENIS IS EVIL! ahhhh, so many classic lines.

thank you sean connery. thank you for wearing little red underwear with that horrible pony tail. thank you for starring in what is certainly your worst role. thank you for the single greatest fall of all time. thank you for breaking through the impenetrable plastic. but most of all, thank you for that incredible final shot. (E insisted on watching that shot twice, and that was before the story of the kid that connery made leave the country for ruining it)

so go out and rent zardoz. because you know you want to. and if you've already seen it a million times, well, cant hurt to look again.

there you go.

2004-10-01T15:32:00.000+02:00

hmmm...its hard to tell how successful i've been in this little photography experiment....we shall see. anyway, there are two pictures from sinai now. look at them and gorge yourself on jealousy for being somewhere else. as i do daily.

2004-10-01T15:30:00.000+02:00

check this shit out! i think i sorta figured it out....kinda....maybe

2004-10-01T15:27:00.000+02:00

in Sinai

2004-10-01T15:24:00.000+02:00

in Sinai

2004-10-01T15:15:00.000+02:00

blah blah blah. i need to work harder on this paper. and i have to get these arabic translations done. soooooooooo lazy. it's bad. real bad. but i'll do better. i will. promise. swear. heart my fingers crossed.

yeah. i have E's dog for the weekend while she's off at some hippie festival. yucadafrblaarglebarfbarfblarggle. that's all i have to say about that. not really. she just called to tell me all about the ugly naked people groping each other there. if someone wrote an article about this it'd be called "bearded guru guy orchestrates orgy of ugly people." seriously. blarfbarfglarble.

ok, im trying to figure out how to put pictures on this thing, but like martha stewart in jail, i'm about to get fucked. lets try anyway!

2004-09-28T13:46:00.000+02:00

Last entry was a bit all over the place, huh? hmmm. i dont know if anyone read it though, as i took that rather long hiadus (sp?). Still, according to blogger i've written some 121 entries since i started this a little over a year ago. When did i write all those? Still, i think i should go back to updating more regularly, since this is the closest thing to a chronicle of my time here. Save for my other little journal that i put in random pieces of paper with some sort of sentimental attachment, and write little notes in late at night, generally after a glass of whiskey or some other well chosen poison, with something along the lines of Astral Weeks playing in the background.

Astral Weeks, by the way, is an album that if you dont own, you really should. But close be it from me to be a hypocrite, as i have yet to go out and buy it. Ahhh, illegal downloading.

did i just implicate myself? fuck. diplomatic immunity?

So i should be back in new york around february for a visit. mark your calanders kids. i should start looking for cheap flights.

spent yom kippur watching two french films. "The Time of the Wolf," about post-apocalyptic france, and Bertelluci's 'The Dreamers." All i can really say is that take away their cheese and wine, and the french will believe that the world has come to an end. After which they will promptly begin to be even ruder than they were before and throw malatov cocktails because the cinemas have been closed.

Love yom kippur in tel aviv. so nice out. except when we ran into the 8 foot tall german that is afraid of my friend E, and his japanese girlfriend who was in my hebrew class. What the hell an 8 foot tall german that is so white that the suns reflection off of skin might blind you, and a japanese woman are doing together in israel is beyond me.

Helped D and A move into their new apartment on Ben Yehuda. It'll be good to have them here in tel aviv.

now, back to the grind.

2004-09-23T18:50:00.000+02:00

"Tahio's good friend and fellow border policeman Amra Kinda said tearfully after the attack, 'He prevented a larger attack using his own body. It was because of him that many people went unharmed. He sacrificed himself for the country. He was very brave. I don't know many more people who would be willing to sacrifice themselves to save others.'"

It's not like i've been lacking anything to discuss, but i suppose i've just been more internal that past month or so. Been thinking a lot about where i'm going in life, what i want to be doing. I still dont know, so if you were expecting some brilliant epiphany from me, you'll have to keep waiting. feel free to cross your fingers.

But i spent several days in Ber Swer, Sinai, on the strip of gorgeous beach populated only by a few dozen Israeli's and some Egyptians. Nothing to do by lay around and think and swim and eat. A lot of thinking, but i didnt really get anywhere. I realize that the only job i'd like to have using my degree would be something in counter-terrorism for the DoD or some intelligence organization in the states. Beyond that, i dont think i'd want to have any more to do with the middle east. I'm excluding israel from this, and so that really leaves the Islamic world, to be fair and frank. It's stagnant and angry and full of lots of people that are directing that anger in my general direction. So if i can't be a part of the solution, i'd rather not be a part of it at all.

So where does that leave me? i dont really know. I'm more lax about my degree (which may be good or may be bad) since i dont know if i'll really be using it as anything more than resume window dressing. I just dont know what i'll be doing with myself once i'm finished though. I'm just trying not think too hard about anything.

There's was a suicide bombing in Jerusalem yesterday. Not unusual and so no one is really surprised or visibly moved. Still, i can't get the image of these two guys, 19 and 20, essentially throwing themselves in front of a murderer with a bag full of explosives.

You know youre going to die. You stand between the explosion and thirty-odd people waiting for a bus. Boom. You're gone. Lost to your parents, your brothers and sisters, your friends. Whatever is left of you gets put into the ground.

One of the boys (and they really are just boys) died instantly. I wonder if he heard the roar before the silence.

The other boy spent an hour in critical condition. Someone told me once of a kid that went to the hospital missing an arm (or maybe a leg, i dont remember) and they were listed as being in moderate condition. I imagine there's a proper description for listing someone as being in critical condition, but i dont know if there's a proper description for that hour before death.

other thoughts...

After about six months of living in a foreign country the honeymoon with the culture ends and you begin to see a lot of negative. I mean, a lot. You become critical, judgemental, condescending. A real shithead. You wont see this. You will continue to love what you loved, but focus too much on little meaningless things that annoy you. That is, until someone comes along and smacks you upside the head for being so lousy. Once this happens you begin to see everything in a new light. You become much more accepting. You put aside your own ideals, notions, preconditions and preconceived notions about anything and everything, and just observe. Sure you did a lot of observing in the begining, but now you'll be doing in with more sophistication. You'll be doing it in a way that lets you process what's happening in the world around you, how people behave, what they say. You'll begin to understand the why's and the how's of everyday. It'll be newer than you ever expected and learn more than you imagined.

I dont know if all of that is true for everyone, but E and I are both belong to that club of schitzophrenics that were brought up in a house with one culture and lived in a country with a completely different culture. It leaves you feeling like you dont completely belong anywhere, so youre attached to the intangible things in life. This is both good and bad, but i wont get into that now.

I think what i said before, about living in a different country and how you feel, rings true for others as well. D was complaining about life here, he's been doing that more and more in recent months, and i finally came down on him. Gently though. I just told him basically what i said now. About not being judgmental and having to step back. He seemed to really take it to heart. Like he was just waiting for someone to tell him all that. We'll see how he feels in a few months. I hope it works.

other thoughts...

here's a good series of articles on israel. it's diary of sorts. i enjoyed it.

first part
second part
third part
fourth part
fifth part

ok, i think that's enough for now

2004-08-23T10:31:00.000+03:00

so the sister and the brotherinlaw and the kids are all here. we went to haifa yesterday, but only got to see the bahi gardens for few minutes. really nice place overlooking the bay. it was constructed by this religious sect that promotes peace and love and other such things. if only all the religious folks here built nice gardens.

so the family is good, we're all crammed in together at my aunts place. it's fun, reminds me of when i was a kid and we'd come visit.

as for spain there's lots to say, but i've realized that there aren't any stories per say, just lots of little things that happened that are really only fun to those of us that were there. i got some nice pictures (i have yet to send them all to everyone) and i'll try to put some nice ones up here when i have the time.

i've started doing the research for my paper on sunni and shi'ite relations in fundamentalist islam. it's been interesting to see how two opposing groups influence each other and often times work together.

also interesting will be to see if i can finish 3 papers and translate two pages of newspaper articles from arabic to english in one month from the time my sister leaves until i start classes. lord help me.

so josh says he's looking for brilliance, well josh, here it comes. so far i've mostly gotten muted reactions to this. i havent figured out if it's being taken as offensive or just not very interesting. some people find it funny. it's borderline with my jesus and moses in a canoe joke.

anyway, here goes. so in spain there's a lot of jesus (jesi, if you will), and after seeing the umpteenth church, it dawned on me. i leaned over m's shoulder and whispered in his ear as we looked up at some sort of elaborate alter, "isn't it a bit ironic that a carpenter got nailed to a piece of wood?"

i'm just pointing out the facts people, that's all.

i suppose there should be much to say, but there just isn't. i'm having a good time. feeling good. i guess no news is good news.

2004-08-13T18:05:00.000+03:00

have returned happy and successful. enjoyed a delightful birthday and had an excellent time with wonderful friends. lots and lots to write about. we'll see how much time and energy i have to try and document it all. there will be pictures for those in the ofoto loop.

2004-07-21T22:50:00.000+03:00

update...so i actually got a response, and a good one, about my post a while back on what might happen if there was a terrorist attack in the states before the elections. so paul, who has a very nice blog and has linked me *yeehaw!*, here's lookin' at you, kid. (with my electronic eye, of course)

post script - naturally i'd perma link paul's site, but as im tired and figure this will be my last post since i'm leaving for SPAIN! friday morning, this link should be up for a good three weeks.

catch ya on the flip-side
synchronize swatches

2004-07-21T21:39:00.000+03:00

Big thanks to kimmy at blogger help. some of the ads up top were to links that i wasn't particularly thrilled with. What can i say, i'm not a fan of radicals and liars, even ones that pay google for ad space. i merely requested that the ads be made non-political...but the little angel went ahead and upgraded me to ad-free! woohoo!

2004-07-20T17:36:00.000+03:00

countdown to spain...roughly 60 hours until i'm in Barcelona. thanks to toni for the tips on spain, i only saw them now. and i thought my comments didnt work. yay blogger. their format gets better every time i log on. anyway, had my arabic test...not so hot, but whatever. there's always a retake, right? otherwise, grades have been pretty good. i dont know, i dont feel i'm taking it seriously enough. i'll probably just end up living in alaska making a living off of doing random shit. blaaaaaaaaaaaarghaleflaggle. it's just so damn hot. too hot to do anything. i'll go run on the beach in an hour. that'll get my energy up. i have to do homework. i need shampoo. i have to do more laundry. i will go see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind a few hours before i fly. i will refrain from eating too much cheese in spain (as i've realized i can no longer pretend that i'm not a lactard). I will do something relating to writing a paper before i leave. Yes toni, i will be in ibiza...FOR MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY! hellz yah...I will try to stop having such a strong emotional attachment to get fuzzy. god i love that dog...i will stop rambling

2004-07-13T20:51:00.000+03:00

have i really been so bad about updating? i guess so. still, things have been good. nothing too much has changed in the past two or three weeks except i got my plane ticket to spain and i went to jordan last weekend. i left with D and his girlfriend A. We took the 12:30 am bus from tel aviv to eilat. 6 hours later we arrived there after a long and tiring busride. i managed to bring along a little smokable relaxer for D and i that came in handy on those few short stops. there were a bunch of high school kids that made noise all night in the back of the bus, and one of them lit up a cigarette which pissed off the bus driver who turned on the lights and yelled at everyone. not pleasant at 1:30 in the morning. i watch the two guys in front of me sleep on one another. i couldnt figure out if they were lovers or just good friends. i was too worried that when i fell asleep i'd fall over onto the soldier sleeping next to me and hit my head on the butt of his rifle. it was nice to think long thoughts on a night drive through the desert. the world was black like an oil slick and the lights of be'er sheva never seemed to get any closer. D and i made vague ruminations about what we'd do when we got across the border. catch a cab to petra (where they filmed indiana jones...the one with sean connery in it) and find a hotel there. A slept the whole way, just about. They make a great couple, i'd like to see them stay together. I dont know if anyone else could put up with him the way she has, and he says he's never had a relationship like this before. they're complete opposites, so maybe that helps. complimentary shapes and all. The sun shows up uninvited as we pull into eilat. it's only about 6, so it's still cool outside. We grab our bags and i strap on my boots. we dont know how long the walk is to the border, but they tell us it opens around 7 or 8, so we have time to walk it. turns out its a long walk. about 45 minutes worth. not a particularly colorful walk. most of it was along an airstrip and past what appears to have been the remnants of a minefield.

the border is still closed when we get there. a guard shows up and tells us it will be another hour. we hunker down to play some sheshbesh (backgammon) and have a bite to eat.

he's sitting on the bench next to us. white as a ghost and as european as they come. he looks a bit trendy, and is making a sad attempt at blending into his surroundings. the noam chomsky book doesnt help. D and i peg him for some ISM goon. he looks like the complete stereotype of the ultra-left anti-israel euro-scum that gets themselves run over by bulldozers when they stand in front of terrorist arms smuggling tunnels. but patrick will turn out to be one of the sweetest, nicest, gentlest people i have ever known.

We all go through the rounds at the border. Passports, exit tax, questions, blah blah blah. pretty quick stuff. I strike up a bit of a chat with the euro-ghost to feel him out. if anything, i figure he'd be good to split a cab with. besides, he seems so lost trying to figure out what the israeli's want from him that i feel obligated to help him out. seems nice enough and i toss out the offer of splitting a cab. he's honestly incredibly grateful and i start to get the feeling i've got him pegged all wrong.

We cross the border walk across the 50 meters of no-mans land between israel and jordan. the only real threat to the border is that palestinians want to get across onto the jordanian side. Israel doesnt even guard the border until the west bank. The jordanians have watch the border like hawks. we have no problem though, and the jordanians have no problem stamping my american passport only, just so i wont have to ever flash the israeli one. not that i think it would be a problem. i never felt any danger. but still, you never know.

we bargain with the cabbies and get a decent price to petra. it's a long drive, and we have to change taxis and drivers. i'm not sure why, i guess that's just how they work it. D and i try to make some use of our arabic. we're able to strike up little conversations, and our second driver (it was a long drive up to petra, so we had to do something) was a really cool guy. he gave D and i these Iraqi Dinars from when Saddam was in power. He told us that he drives all the way to baghdad sometimes. He also says that the drive was always dangerous, both before and after the war. He gets us to a hotel in Petra, where they offer us rooms for 7.5 dinars each. Not too bad. that's about 10 american dollars (yes, the Jordanian Dinar is worth more, can you believe it?). It was worth it, considering that the 2JD dinner was all you could eat, and man did i eat everything in sight.

Petra was great. we did a lot in just 5 hours. walked the entire time. a lot of it was a serious uphill climb. Petra is both a city and a giant park. the walking was all in the park. inside are nabatean ruins of the city, much of it is buildings carved into the red stone facade (see indian jones). Giant builings carved into the mountains. absolutely amazing. absolutely tiring. especially in the noonday heat. still, it was all worth it. the only annoying part are all the jordanians in the park trying to sell you camel and donkey rides (a funny moment was when 4 guys, one right after the other, maybe 2 meters apart, asked us if we wanted donkey rides for the same price...you'd think they'd at least offer something lower!). they also try to sell you touristy jewelery, keffiahs, and other crap. one little girl tried selling us rocks. i shit you not. rocks. keep in mind, the ENTIRE place is made of rock. just acres and acres of rocks. they also tried selling us Euros. yes, euros. some of them were incredibly persistent. one guy followed us for about 10 minutes before giving up.

back at the hotel D and i tried Petra beer. 8% alcohol if you can believe it. didnt taste like it, but sure felt like it. not recommended though. in fact, i dont believe any alcohol in the arab world is recommended. I havent tried Arak (the local brew of the muslim world, but i hear bad things. the only one who had anything good to say about it was Zaydan the bedouin, but i'll get to him later)

The next morning we took a bus to Wadi al-Rum, in the middle of the desert. It was a part of a tour set up by this bedouin guy named Zeydan. We first went to his place where we sat around for about 2 hours. D played sheshbesh with Zeydan, and then Zeydan's kids came in to say hi. They were absolutely adorable. The three of them were all quite young, about 3-6 i'd say. Zeydan pointed at the little one and said he was "about 3 or 4, my wife remembers." Very funny guy. he gave us tea and we talked a bit. he wrestled with them and they pulled at his mustache. It was very sweet. There were pictures of Zeydan with King Abdallah, and his father King Hussein. I never got around to asking him about those, although i wish i had. Some other westerners showed up and we were ready for the trip. Zeydan's young cousin Mustafa took us all in the pickup truck. It was the four of us, two belgians, a californian who's been travelling from china to madrid, and a frenchman with his 10 year old son. Mustafa turned out to be younger than me, he's only 21. A really nice guy. LIttle english, which gave D and i more chances to use our arabic. it felt great to put it to some practicle use. made it feel like there's an actual point to learning all this! Mustafa drove us around the desert and showed us some interesting sites. Neat rock formations, big sand dunes, and the whole desert there is very red. like a glass of merlot held up to the sun.

we finally arrived at a couple of bedouin tents where we would have dinner and sleep. Zeydan showed up and played some music for us. d and i were able to get some funny stories out of him in arabic/english. we all watched the sun slink down behind the desert rocks. Zeydan and Mustafa did a traditional little song and dance number for us, bedouin style. i cant describe it, but it was quite funny, and zeydan took liberties to do a little beatbox. perhaps bedouins were the true innovators of hip hop. dinner was excellent (they actually cook it all and keep it under the sand to stay hot). Although the highlight was definatly coming out of the tent after dinner and seeing the infinate number of stars in the desert sky. you would just lay there and let them surround you.

we woke up early in the morning to coffee, jam, pita, and cheese. Zeydan drove us all across the desert back to wadi al-rum, but halfway there the truck made a huge popping noise and we all knew we were fucked. the day before mustafa had driven very slowly, and had checked the engine several times. not surprising considering how old the car is. Zeydan was not one to play around and had it in 3rd gear the whole way. that's some fast offroading, particularly when youre in the flatbed bouncing up and down. Zeydan fucked around with the engine for awhile and shied off any offers of help. d finally got out and went over to the engine. he had been a mechanics assistant for a while so he at least knew his way around a car. zeydan apparently was not so skilled, as he began hooking up the car battery the wrong way, and somehow managed not to electrocute himself. you'd think getting stuck in the desert would put a damper on things, but everyone was in remarkably high spirits. it was funniest when zeydan pulled out a cellphone to call mustafa to bring the other truck. this one was much smaller, and i got the honor of sitting bitch with the stickshift between my legs. yes, zeydan and i became very close on the ride back.

we all got dropped off on the highway to wait for the bus to aqaba. off we went, now just the four of us and the two belgians, in a bus full of jordanians. when we arrived in aqaba the four of us headed off to the border. we had found out how to say "border" in arabic, and d managed to pull out in what sounded like perfect arabic, "how much to get to the border?" we had been told it should cost 5 JD, but cabbies like to make tourists shell out 7 or 8. we barely had enough for 5. so d and i could barely contain our laughter when the cabbie said "3 JD" we spoke to him in arabic on the ride there. he asked us if we were israeli's, and we told him no, americans, czech, and austrian. we asked him where he was from and he told us "palestine" i paused a moment before asking "where in palestine?" "haifa" he answered. we all stayed silent for a moment. i was glad for erring on the side of caution and sticking to saying i'm american. d kept up the conversation, and asked him if he thought there could ever be peace, a long time from now. the cabbie was silent. i wasnt liking where this might go so i just threw out "alhamdulilah" (which translates roughly into praise god) the cabbie repeated it in apparent agreement, which was enough for all of us. crossing back was smooth and easy. the ride back from eilat to tel aviv was unremarkable save for the beautiful desert scenery.

all in all an excellent trip, full of fun cab drivers, great people, and wonderful scenery.

2004-06-27T21:00:00.000+03:00

life's good. definatly can't complain. doing arabic ulpan for 4 hours a day, only 4 days a week. throw in an extra hour or so for homework and the rest of my days are free. bought my ticket to spain, july 23-august 13. sis shows up a week later with the kiddies. spending good amounts of time on the beach. i will definatly use this time to do a bit of travelling. at least get out to petra finally (for all of those familiar with indian jones and the last crusade, it's the place where they find the ark. yes, shot on location. that big building that's etched into the side of the mountain. you know the one.

been watching a lot of football. metric, of course. it's been very exciting. particularly watching it with the europeans. good game. much fun. denmark/czech tonight. should be good, as long as czech wins.

i want to travel around the country more, but i also need to save money for spain. so very very excited. must do more planning.

2004-06-23T14:45:00.000+03:00

two articles worth reading

Chris Hitchins beats the shit out of michael moore

and an evil bush-brainwashing jewish neocon speaks out!

2004-06-22T20:28:00.000+03:00

so up at the top there in the google ad (it might not be there when you see this, but it's there for me now) are these two links. one to the financial times, and the other called something like americantaskforce or some nonsensical thing like that.

well, the americantaskforce...the one that says palestine facts 101 or such crap is nothing new. there are plenty of organizations like this. mostly they fall under the umbrella group of the international solidarity movement, which in itself falls under the communist/socialist umbrella group of united workers of the world. these are the nice kids that held the "anti-war" rallies in the states last year, full of friendly folks with signs like "smash the jewish state" yes, nice people.

anyway, my gripe with that site has nothing to do with their political views. i couldnt care less what they think nor what they pass off as facts. people will believe whatever they want until they actually see things with their own eyes. and even then they wont be seeing everything.

no, my gripe is that the site offers english and french, and the hebrew and arabic are "coming soon!"... sure they are. but look at this. the site comes in two languages that have virtually no place in the ME. just like the folks that organized that site. it's not that i'm against any outside intervention. after all, the middle east could certainly use some. but if you can't even speak the language, what good are you? no ones going to trust someone that doesnt speak their language, and if youre coming to a place full with your good intentions youre going to be used as a tool by those youre coming to "help."

this is all well and good if youre in the peace corp, but no so in the middle east. the agenda's here dont consist of AIDS relief and irrigation planning. here they are much more sinister, seamier, and seedier than the average westerner can comprehend.

bah, i'm going off on a tangent.

on to important things:

i'm going to spain! woohoo! with B from cali and her friend mark, whom i've never met. 1 country, 3 jews, and many many capperenias if my math is correct. i need to start looking through my footprint guide, but that'll have to wait until after my arabic test on thursday which i should be desperatly studying for, but as you can see, am not.

spoke to mom today and brought up the possibility that i'll be here another six months or more after my initial 2 years are through. a pretty mild response. i guess she's used to my being away by now. besides, she's got her arms full with the grandkids. i'd stay to work more on my thesis, get a job, and do some hardcore arabic learning. we'll see what the world is like in a year, maybe i'll have the balls to spend 6 months in jordan. how about 6 months in sinai? spend my days speaking arabic and scuba diving. sounds like a good plan to me!

the sister is coming with her husband and the kids in august. i'm very excited. he's never been here before, but he's been learning some hebrew. how does a person work on their Ph.D., help raise 3 kids, and have time to learn hebrew on the side? well, in all fairness he listens to the language CD's on his ride home. but still, who has the brain room for all that?

speaking of brain room, i'm feeling full. i think i indulged a bit too much last weekend in slothiness (is that a word?) and the 4 hours a day of arabic now are making it hard to get back into the swing of it all. gotta do it! c'mon lazy fuck! garrblaggle! smack smack! get moving! okok....i'll go now

2004-05-31T23:48:00.000+03:00

two posts in a day. can you contain your excitement? youd better, cos this isnt a happy post....because this worries me.

i dont buy into a lot of the ADL's anti-semitism hysteria. i'm not a fan of abe foxman. but this could bring in a bad tide. global ignorance of the arab/israeli conflict, anger over iraq, american jews indecisiveness regarding their stance on israel....these things could start adding together along with other scenerios i'd rather not imagine. american jews have over the past few years slowly begun switching to the republicans, as the democrats have been disappointing regarding the israel/arab conflict, and the perhaps greater understanding of terrorism. but that means the jewish base is split between dems and reps. that makes it a weak constituency, contrary to what is often believed. a strong lobby cannot be strong if it cannot bring in the votes. the dems have already begun turning their backs. if things get a great deal worse in iraq, as they could, the reps might start blaming what the left has dubbed the "jewish neocon cabal".....i dont want to think about this.

2004-05-31T15:34:00.000+03:00

things are looking good. quite good. two papers "done" although i'd like to find someone willing to proofread them. one paper almost there, just a bit more research to do and then just type it up. my arabic test has been moved to a month from now, praise jesus tapdancing on the roof. i gave my proposal for a paper on oil-for-food today, and it went alright, better than expected, and the criticism was actually constructive. particularly from my fellow students, who informed me that they feel my professor is a prick and i taught them more in 20 minutes then they had learned on any given day in the class. eh, it was ok. a bit too dry. too many numbers. whatever.

now it all just hinges on being allowed to play the part of libya in the mock arab summit meeting. i want to wear my big sunglasses, a mumu, and an afro wig. then storm out in the middle. just like ghaddafi did. man, that'd be sweet.

effie is moving next week, and i'm taking her dog for the day. that'll be lots of fun. i figure a good long afternoon spent playing with yuko on the beach will do me good.

plus anna and friend are coming on wednesday, so i'll take them around a bit, ship them off to jerusalem and wherever, and then we'll rent a car for 6 days and drive around. probably mostly in the desert. it'll be a good time.

well, that's about it. time to get some shit done.

2004-05-24T00:44:00.000+03:00

things are good. busy but good. we'll leave it at that. i wasn't going to post, but i feel like it. however, it's not going to be about me.

just wondering, since no one else seems to be willing to ask this question. how would a serious terror attack in the states affect peoples voting for president?

just curious is all, since it seems like the probability of it is fairly high. i wonder if anyone's been reflecting on this back in the states, cos from the papers, it doesnt sound like it. maybe someone's done a poll on this. or maybe it's too morbid of a concept to investigate. i dunno, maybe i'm jaded. just seems like something worth thinking about.

2004-05-20T00:13:00.000+03:00

there are only two material goods i want in the short run. kinder eggs and tshirts. kinder eggs are down in the corner shop, the tshirts will have to wait until im endowed with a generous amount of cash or a jewish holiday.

one paper requires proofreading, another to be written up, and another to be started from scratch. all this in a span of 2 1/2 weeks. plus preping for a mock arab summit meeting, presenting a topic for my economics class, hosting friends, and being a drunkard. actually, the last one has been on hold for quite some time, being replaced with fat assedness.

fucking school.

2004-05-17T16:48:00.000+03:00

I'm too busy to be updating. But it's been such a strange day. a good good day in it's own way. except i'm worried i may have hurt my computer by hitting it before...the space button isnt very happy with me. but i digress...

i dont expect good things in the morning. certainly not at 8 in the morning on the bus to the army recruitment center (that's the lishkat ha'gius foreveryone keeping score at home). I've now gone there enough times to be compensated for my bus rides.

so no expectations. but that doesnt mean i dont notice the beautiful girl soldier that sits down across from me. doesnt mean i do anything about it either. if the bus hadn't been full i dont imagine we would have ended up saying anything to one another, since i was able to hide behind my book. But the bus was full, which means eventually i'll be getting up so someone else can sit down. Then it happened. And we both stood up at the same time. The old man took a seat, but that left one open. She insisted. I insisted better. She reached over to see what i was reading. I gave the explanation as to why i'd be reading it. We start talking. She's sweet. She's smart. Funny.

a homeless guy gets on the bus. the bus driver lets him on but yells at him for not having any money. her heart breaks. it's sincere.

the bus ends up stopping at the wrong place. she makes sure i get to where i need to be. she calls later to make sure i got there. we talk and i tell her i'll call when i get out.

i call to see if she wants to get some coffee. she's on the way to see her boyfriend. i thank her again, and we say goodbye.

i wait about five minutes. then i decide i have nothing to lose. i call again and she sounds surprised. "i know youre on the way to the boyfriends, so this is probably the last opportunity to talk to you, but still, or maybe because of this, i wanted to tell you that youre simply incredible. thanks again."

2004-04-30T00:26:00.000+03:00

i've been so bad about updating. not that i've been so busy with my life, but just lazy. lazy lazy lazy. ever since i went on vacation it seems i haven't come back from it. ah well. so right now the city is going insane. totally nuts. we just made it into the euroleague basketball finals about 10 minutes ago, and everyone and their grandmother has been zooming down the street honking their horns, chanting, and waving maccabi tel aviv flags. totally crazy. and the game was here in tel aviv. and independence day was less than a week ago. if we beat the italians on saturday (i'm not sure if that will bring us good luck or bad luck for playing on saturday...than again, i'm wondering if they'll have to change the date cos it's on saturday...we'll see). anyway, if we beat the italians on whatever day, the whole country is gonna be going crazy. i can only imagine what it would be like if we were to do something ridiculous like win the world cup. chances of that are virtually nil, but still, that would be obsurd. *sigh* one can dream.

i hope i can catch the game on whatever day it'll be, cos i'm going up north for the weekend. same kind of trip as the one i took down south. it should be interesting. more people from my program are going this time. i just plan on enjoying myself and abusing my air intake system with some rolled goodness. i should probably be doing a lot more work than i have been recently. i was so good back in march. but i can't seem to get back into school mode.

i was asked today if i miss new york. i do, i really do. and of course everyone there. but at the same time, it's good to be here. you know, when it's "quiet" like it's been for the last few weeks, you realize that this country could easily be an eden. without a doubt. it's a hell of a give and take though. it also has some weird way of pulling people in and not letting them out. i dont know why that is. maybe it's the weather. but probably the people. the atmosphere. you can't be bored here, that's for sure. i cant seem to recall too many stories of people coming here and leaving. a lot of anglos end up living in ranana, where they've apparently made their own state within a state. silly anglos. drives me crazy that there are people that live here for 20 years and still dont know the language. it's just fucked up. my cousin has an english teacher that's like that. some upper east side chick. can you feel my disgust?

wow...everyone is getting crazy. if i wasnt in pajamas, i'd go join the festivities. ah well, here's to hoping we win the finals.

2004-04-21T06:53:00.000+03:00

well, i'm back in israel after a wonderful trip home. always good to see the loved ones. it was interesting to see everything after being here for 9 months. i mean, it's only nine months, but it seems to have had a bigger impact on me than i thought it had. First off i didnt realize how much adjusting i had done while i was here, and i also didnt realize how much it had changed me. In good ways i think. I find myself more open, more ready to say what's on my mind and what im feeling. that's probably an effect from being here, since it's a very open and informal society (for good and bad). I could see for the first time exactly how closed people tend to be back home. like they're sheltering themselves. over little things too. probably mostly over little things. just being willing to open your mouth and discuss topics that you dont normally discuss but just happen to be on your mind. just saying what you want to say. i'm not saying lose that little connection from brain to mouth that tells you when to shut up, but it seems as though people are actually scared on some level to say what they're thinking.

yeah, come to think of it, there seemed to be a bit of that going around. i dont know why. maybe once i could accept it, but now it's just too incomprehensible that people wont just say what's on their mind to the person sitting next to them, when they clearly have something they want to say. even if they dont know exactly what they want to say, they should just say something. anything. whatever.

i've come across some neat blogs. one comes out of saudi arabia (tip goes to Z of course). A saudi blogger, it's an amazing and wonderful world sometimes.

anyway, it's good to be back. i slept for 13 hours last night, and didnt bother sleeping tonight. stupid fucking jetlag. i can't piece myself together. but i'd better just crash tomorrow night and be done with it. i've got a supply of melatonin just in case.

2004-04-07T18:22:00.000+03:00

mwaahahahaha....i'm in new york. have managed to make 3 people cry upon arrival. i need to get that number up next time.

i also dont have my phone book. just put your ear to the grapevine and you'll be able to find me if i want you to.

2004-03-28T00:30:00.000+02:00

So i thought things were easing back to a semi-normal state since the cripple met his doom. A bit on what it's been like since it happened in regards to the tension here. People have started going back to their normal lives. Bus riding, going to cafe's (although they were considerably empty over the weekend), going out in general. But there's something in the air (maybe it's the fact that there have been lots of attempts, but no successes).

now for the fucked up bit. I've been finding myself checking the news several times a day half-hoping that there would finally be a pegua (bombing). No, i haven't gone insane (i dont think). I dont want anything to happen, obviously. But this tension can drive you insane if you spend more than a few minutes thinking about it. I mean, you sit in the middle of the bus and think "well, at least by sitting here i'll just die" or you sit all the way in the back and think "well, maybe from here i can survive without losing a limb." I was sitting with the cousin tonight and we heard this loud low rumble. we just looked up at each other and intinctively thought the same thing. It's also confusing because we live pretty close to some medical place, and ambulances go by a lot. Thankfully, nothing happened. I dont know what the sound was, but it definatly sounded like an explosion somewhere. Maybe it didnt and we've just both been waiting for it to finally happen that we just jumped to the conclusion that we're all waiting for. I know i'm not alone in feeling like this, it's normal no matter who you are or how long you've been here. Still, you realize how fucked up it is, but you can't help it. It's confusing and stressful and much easier to disappear into my little university bubble which i do as often as i can. guess i should be happy over all the work i'm supposed to be doing.

i'm trying not to write too much about this. it's not particularly easy. it's hard choosing the right words, and i'm certain that if i went over later i'd think it was crap. i wont do that though. it's how i feel right now. it can, and probably will change, within hours. you've got to realize, i spent 3 hours in a crowded cafe, on crowded dizingoff, and then went to the crowded beach. it's not like i'm going at this hermit style. still, i'm trying not to write so much because it'll just end up getting more and more incoherent.

i guess there are too many things to think about. too much that you can get angry or happy or sad over. or laugh about or cry about. it's like hooking up your emotions to a dimmer switch being manipulated by a hyperactive toddler. i dont know. maybe that's a shite analogy, but i'm too tired to think of anything better.

in other news, a friend threw a sushi party at her lavish retro-grandma apartment on thursday night. very swanky, lots of fun. went to lunch and the beach with effie. talk talk talk. good time. now it's late and i'm tired and kinda hungry. gonna go down to yaffo tomorrow to look for a birthday present for mom. wish me luck.

2004-03-24T22:27:00.000+02:00

so very busy with school work. so much to read. hope i'm not going to burn out. i have to write my papers. this MA shit is tough. i wish i had taken advantage of the laxity last semester. much easier than this time around. i guess i was still too busy adjusting. i have no excuse for the dicking around i did in february other than the fact that i was feeling pretty low. i still managed to write my one long paper for the semester (30 pages, fuckers!), but i've got two 15 page suckers to go by early june. i think they'll have to push the deadline back to the end of the summer, because there are plenty of folks that have yet to write anything. of course, there are a couple of geniuses that have managed to write them all. diiiiicks. wish i could hate them, but they're oh-so-loveable. (not sarcasm) all in all, i'm feeling pretty ok. except for this fucking cold. i think i'm off to a sushi party on friday. yay sushi. hope my nose works by then so i can enjoy the food. hope i can get all my shit done soon. gaaaah glarblefraggle. cough cough. snot-rocket. score.

here's one youre not hearing about in the west or at least i havent really seen much of it in the western press. it's been buried a bit. 100 shek's for a kids life? that's about $22.50 american.

2004-03-23T20:43:00.000+02:00

finding hope in unlikely places...

2004-03-22T22:57:00.000+02:00

it's tense here now that yassin has been killed. funny how blowing up an evil cripple makes you feel like youre walking on glass whenever it's brought up. fact is, a lot of people are going to die. probably up until the end of passover. another fact, people would have died anyway. i guess it's just a matter of numbers. i'm trying to stay in my university bubble, and i've got lots of work to do. still, it's been a strange day. random attacks around the country, including a guy with a knife in yaffo. yaffo, christ. and a guy with an ax in ramat gan. i wanted to go down to yaffo on sunday to do some shopping, now i doubt i'll go. jesus fuck. i got on a bus this morning after hearing the news. i dont know why. probably a stupid thing to do. i'll take the bike out of retirement this week. even if my chances of getting hit by a car are better than getting blown up. at least if i get hit by a car the worst that happens is you die or break some bones. getting blown up and surviving means losing arms, legs, disfigurement...who knows what. sometimes i'll sit in the middle of the bus and the thought of, "at least if it happens here i'll probably die quick" comes over me. sick, huh? the bus was relatively empty today. i imagine it'll stay empty all week. passover is coming up and i dont want to think about what that'll mean. some people are really worried. a friend in my program kept talking about it, and wanting to know how i felt. truth is, i dont really know how i feel. i've stopped analyzing the politics here because i've learned that it can drive you crazy. i know that a bad man died and the world is better off. i know people are going to die. i know people would die anyway, whether sheikh yassin was killed or not, maybe fewer but still. i just dont want to die because a stranger decides to blow himself up next to me.

2004-03-21T23:24:00.000+02:00

so very very sleepy. waiting for some pictures to upload to send to all the deserving folk. pictures of...the desert. and funny pictures of camels. spent the last three days wandering around the negev and a bit in eilat. spent today enjoying the eilat beaches, drinking beer, and playing sheshbesh (backgammon).

i'm feeling way too tired to give an accurate portrayl of what went on. we went to the makhtesh (maktesh...yes, that's a real english word) ramon. it's basically a crater...a giant fucking crater. walked around it a bit. also walked through some random part of the desert...very very beautiful.

it was a group from the overseas program. mostly college kids, but they were good. i really only knew a handful of folks from my program, and i mostly stuck with them and the israeli's. my hebrew has clearly improved dramatically (at the expense of a bit of my english) since i'm able to spend hours conversing with israeli's and making jokes. heard some excellent ones, but unfortunatly they just dont translate properly into english. but, let's try anyway.

The KGB is interogating a guy, trying to make him admit that what he knows. He refuses to tell, so the interogators yell out, "IGOR!" and big massive hulking Igor walks in. "Igor, this guy wont tell us what we want to know, so take him into another room and fuck him up the ass." So Igor picks up the guy and goes down the hall when he hears, "IGOR!" from another room. He walks in and the interogators say "Igor, this guy wont tell us what we want to know, so fuck him up the ass and break his face." So Igor picks up the second guy and goes down the hall when he hears, "IGOR!" Igor walks into another room and the interogators say, "Igor, this guy wont tell us what we want to know, fuck him up the ass, break his face, and break his legs." So Igor picks up the third guy and goes down the hall. The first guy taps him on the shoulder and says, "Igor, remember, i just get fucked up the ass."

2004-03-18T22:20:00.000+02:00

John Kerry...who says he actually voted for the $87 billion before he actually voted against it (Well, good thing he's so concerned about the welfare of American soldiers)....has also claimed to receive endorsements from foreign leaders. JK won't tell who these mystery folk are. "None of your business" to quote him directly. Well, aside from the fact that it's generally frowned upon for democratic leaders to interfere in other democracies elections, being endoresed by this jew-hater isn't something JK should be tooting his horn over. Unless you consider that Kerry would either send Jimmy "shouldnt i be dead by now" Carter or James "fuck the jews they didn't vote for us anyway" Baker as his middle east envoy. Then again, JK can't seem to decide on much to begin with, so if he's elected i'd imagine a lame duck presidency. which will be nice for those folks just itching to go duck hunting.

as for me, i'm disappearing into the desert for a few days. sayonara. i plan on abusing my body and not thinking about anything since this semester is kicking my sorry ass. wish me luck.

2004-03-16T22:29:00.000+02:00

funny....this is all the new york times has to say about an 11 year old kid carrying a bomb. don't try to find it by going through the new york times site. oh no. contrary to what it might look like, the only way to find this article is by doing a specific search for it. not that you'll learn much here, except how big and bad israel is and how there nothing but brave resistance on the other side of the line. nice, very nice. hey, name me another country besides israel that would send a kid like that home? i dont know if that kind of compassion makes me want to laugh or cry. in most countries he'd be strung up. although i guess in most of europe he'd be hailed as a national hero. cowardice seems to be an old trend that's staying strong with a bullet. a kid for christs sake.

2004-03-15T23:44:00.000+02:00

If you want to skip this whole rant, you’ll be smart. If you want to get the gist, drop to the last paragraph. If you’ve really got nothing better to do, than knock yourself out. Read it twenty times if you like.

It’s a question of identity. Who are you? What are you? You know you’re different, somehow. You act a little differently, you speak a little differently, think a little differently. Sometimes that shines through and it’s reflected on other peoples faces, in their reactions. It baffles you, it worries you, sometimes it drives you mad. You’ll start searching in different places, different activities, different lives. You start playing role after role, until you just can’t act anymore. You start to take the search seriously, because you finally realize that it’s not something completely intangible. Maybe. So you start to make it about you.

And that’s what this is. It’s about me. That’s all. It’s not a commentary, it’s not a series of articles, it’s not a documentary, it’s meant to be factual, or serious (to anyone else), or tasteful, or tactful, or sensitive, or inquisitive. It’s not a guidebook or a research piece or an artistic expression. It’s about me. It’s for me. Understandable any right to privacy disappears the moment it’s published, but it wasn’t designed to be private. It’s all experimental, anyhow. That doesn’t make it any more than what it is. Me. Random thoughts. Don’t like them? Join the club, I don’t like them all either. And that’s just what’s been published. There are nastier things up here. There are also beautiful and wonderful and pink and fluffy things that don’t get put down. Why not? Who knows. No one’s meant to learn anything from this. Not even about me. Perhaps especially not about me. Confused? Too bad. It’s all about me, as in for me. Anyone tagging along and skimming the random thoughts is getting a fish eye view of the ocean. Interesting, but you’re not get much in the long run.

Trying to figure it out? Let’s go over it again. This is about me. For me. For me, by me. FMBM. It’s the latest in urban wear. Look but don’t touch, because it’s an obscure museum with a lousy curator whom hasn’t explained nearly anything at all about what you’re seeing. In other words, stop thinking that you get it. It’s not about culture, or people, or religion, or politics, or behavior, or law, or history, or physicality, or opinion, or taste, or class, or economics, or time, or education, or emotions, or any of the million other things that you might be seeing here. They’re just characters, and caricatures. Nothing is portrayed fairly or properly or in any sort of relevant context. They can’t be, they won’t be. Because they’re not me.

I’ll switch to metaphor mode. Anything that anyone reading this that they can relate to is paint. I’m using it to make something for myself that’s invisible. It looks public, but it’s not. The messy palate doused in color, that’s what visible. What it means when I mix it together, that only I can see. Not that I can say what I’m seeing. It changes. All the time. No one holds up a painters palate and says, “what a work of art!” That would be ridiculous. Because it’s not art. It’s just something the painter uses to get from point A to point B. This is just point A, and maybe a tiny bit of the journey to point B.

Still confused? You’re clearly too normal, and I’m clearly too tired. Look, anyone who’s taking anything on here and using it to reflect on who I am, or where I am, or who these people are I randomly mention, or even if you’re using it to reflect on yourself for some unknown reason. Stop. You’ll do better to take up alchemy. This is no glass of water, and it’s not going to turn out any gold. It’s not written for any meaning that anyone is going to find. You can’t learn from anything written here. You’re not meant to, and I don’t want you to. Last time. Everything written on here is about me. If you’re looking for meaning, stop. If you’re looking to learn about Israel, the people here, or anything relating to the country, don’t do it from here. There are a million sources of education that are infinitely better, the best source being to actually come and experience it for yourself. This crappy little blog is nothing more than an ego-trip. Sorry if that bursts any bubbles, but that’s what it is. Sometimes there are things to share, sometimes there are things to vent, mostly there is nonsense that comes out for no good reason. Sometimes it’s nice, sometimes not so nice. Sometimes it’s honest, sometimes not so much. Sometimes it’s coherent, sometimes it’s like this. Sometimes it means something to me, sometimes it’s bullshit. It’s never meant for anyone to take it seriously. You want a serious blog, go read instapundit or something. Go read the Washington Post. You want to know why I write some of the things I write? Too bad, half the time I don’t know. It’s what happened that day, or it was something that was turning in my head, or I was bored and decided to post. If you’re sensitive to anything written here, don’t read it. It’s not meant for you. You’re not going to know what I’m thinking by reading this, you won’t know who I am, who the people are around me, what this country is like or what it means to me. You wont get any of that because I’m not prepared to offer myself up on a platter, contrary to what may have been previously thought by reading this. Now I’ve spent far too much time explaining myself for something that shouldn’t require explanation. This entire little shit blog is nothing but randomness and silliness, with some things that mean something to me. If youre still looking for more, well, good luck with that. One minor word on the country though. It's quite incredible. I don't do it justice on these pages and i don't try. Mostly i just bitch, and that's not fair. Seems i mostly complain about the driving. Well, guess what folks, i dont even have a license here, so don't fucking listen to me. Instead of bitchinig and moaning about a million different other things in life, this is the one i've focused on. Why? who knows. Sometimes you just need an outlet, and that's mine. I've been unfair about other things as well, or unclear. Deal. Maybe i should make more of an effort to paint a rosier picture. Or at least a fair one. We'll see. Frankly, i'm happy here. There are no people in the world like Israeli's, for better or worse. They'll tell you exactly what's on their mind, they're go painstakingly out of their way to help you, and they don't take shit from anybody. Problems? yeah, but no one stays here if they don't love it in one way or another.

2004-03-15T18:16:00.000+02:00

a friend of mine was taking her drivers test, and the driver kept saying to her "why do you keep moving your body like that? what's wrong with you?" Now, he only spoke hebrew, and her's is only so-so, but he finally made her pull over and said "i dont get it, i always see americans doing this. every time you change lanes, you turn your body around. why?" she just looked at him and said, "uh, to check my blindspot." "you're what?" "my blindspot, you know, the part of the car whereyou can see?" "what? there's no such thing!"

that from the driving instructor. yes folks, this is the land where no one knows how to drive. it's actually illegal to check your blindspot, and thus no one even knows what it is.

well, to update that, its been refuted. why the practicle exam (in english) that effie got says not to check your blindspot is beyond me. but i've been told i'm full of shit by a possessor of an israeli drivers license and that you are taught to check your blindspot, so i'll hope that i am, indeed, full of shit. it wouldn't be the first time.

in other news, i went down to sheinkin to buy shoes. there are some of the ugliest shoes in the world right here in israel, but also some great shoes, and at great prices. much better variety and price than in new york. so sure i'll probably get run over, but i'll look fucking hot laying in the road. i also went down to yaffo. ahh, alex, how your presence is missed there. bought little nicknacks and things at the shook. fun times.

i'm hopefully going to eilat next weekend, assuming i stop being a lazy fucker and get some work done. particularly on the two papers that are due by the end of may. there's a bunch of folk that havent written any yet, or only one long one like i have. but who knows when i'll find the time for all this. *sigh*

the illness reared its ugly head for a few hours on saturday. not fun. there's some stomach virus epidemic going on around here. so far i think i've had it the worst. most people have just been in pain (got that) weak (ditto) physically ill (yup) or just whiney (totally)...but i was the only one to spend 12 hours dilirious and hallucinating. well, guess i'm clearly in the poorest physical shape. i have however been sleeping fairly well, which is a new and welcome arrangement.

i totally want a nap now...i should drink coffee. i have so much to do...fuck me with a pogostick

2004-03-08T16:24:00.000+02:00

So a dear dear friend may be showing up soon. Anna, who i worked with in california, sent a random email saying that she was in greece (randomly) with 3 girls she's studying with in paris (again, something random). Anna is crazy. It's true. Love her to death. totally out of her mind though poor thing. an absolute riot. causes a raucus wherever she goes. she can't help it. it's just who she is, and i wouldnt have it any other way. i wish i could offer them all room and board, but my wee hovel cannot, unfortunatly, accomodate 4 guests for a week. even 4 american girls bouncing around europe. alas, they shall have to stay in the favorite of traveller hovels, the youth hostel. or so i assume. anything and everything is possible. for all i know i'll have 4 women in my bed for a week. well, i'll survive. they can nurse me back to health as i'm still recovering from the poisoning of the food (that's arabicesque writing). i'm still feeling week, although i did get a little crazy and eat a laffa today. i hope it doesnt end up killing me. so far so good. *knock wood*

this semesters schedule: Hebrew, Arabic, Religion and Politics, Demographics and Economics, and Inter-Arab Relations. The last sets me up with about 250 pages of reading a week. But the prof. put michael scott doran on the reading list and i absolutely adore what he writes. if you've never read anything of his, you should go do it that right now.

Doran teaches at Princeton, and knowing that makes me wish that i had paid more attention way back when in high school to the idea that grades matter. Because in high school i was much more interested in drinking and sex than grades. So, while sitting here, with random thoughts, i'm thinking that the american public school system does an excellent job of teaching facts, but makes no effort to explain why they matter or what can be done with those facts. Had i understood that, i imagine that i would have cared more, gotten into a place like princeton, and had the opportunity to learn from prof. doran whom i'm sure is an excellent educator. then again, i could have been drunk when they were explaining why facts matter. either way, i was a bit of an intellectual late bloomer. some might say i still am. i would say i'm not an intellectual at all, rather a stumbling acadamic with a great fear of the "real world," since apparently the "real world" doesnt consist of driving around in a pick up truck with a dog. now it's time for me to read off into the sunset....YEEEEEEEaawn....

2004-03-05T19:27:00.000+02:00

school, insomnia, and food poisoning

it's been a trying week. last night was the first night where i almost got a full and complete nights sleep. but anything beats the night before where i spent 12 hours delirious, unable to breath, convinced i was dieing, yet unsure as to who i was or where i was. that's right kids, it's food poisoning season and my body reached it's equinox the night before last. ever spend a night thinking in arabic, even though you dont know enough to think in arabic? i think we have a new definition of insanity.

speaking of insanity, classes began on monday. pretty good so far. of course, i missed thursday, which was the day when three classes i wanted to try were scheduled, and now that will have to wait for next week. bah. i'm hungry and want soup. i just need something with flavor. or maybe a nap.

2004-03-01T17:56:00.000+02:00

passion shmassion

so about a week ago, during one of several all-nighters i pulled over the vacation for no good reason, i decided to start writing about mel gibson's movie. i think we all know what it's called, as people can't seem to shut up about it. well, i'm no exception. i haven't seen the film yet, because, ironically, in the land from whence jesus came, we have yet to receive the film about him. actually, my understanding is that the film has little to do with jesus as a person so much as a piece of meat that just gets beaten, and beaten, and beaten, and then beaten some more until he's tacked up on a cross like so many things that are tacked up on crosses.

anyway, here's what i wrote.

You’d think that somewhere out there was a Jewish leader with an ounce of PR skills. Alas, that does not seem to be the case. Let’s leave Israeli politics aside for the moment; that would be like throwing myself head first into quicksand. Let’s focus on the latest media craze, Mel Gibson’s “The Passion.” Do a Yahoo news search and you’ll come up with just over 3000 articles as of the wee hours of February 26. To quote Reuters, “’The Passion of the Christ’ opened in cinemas across the United States on Wednesday as Jewish groups decried it as anti-Semitic and New York's Roman Catholic cardinal stressed Jews did not kill Jesus.” I would like to introduce many of my fellow American Jews to the notion of productivity, as clearly they are working very hard at being the opposite thereof.
Let’s take a look at Abe Foxman, the Anti-Defamation League National Director. Mr. Foxman lied his way into private screenings of “The Passion.” Presumably to get to the bottom of the controversy. Well, sneaking your way into a screening reserved for leaders of the catholic community certainly doesn’t seem to uphold many Jewish values. Foxman’s loose tongue doesn’t help him either. Quoting him in today’s New York Observer, “Only for sadists, only for masochists could this be beautiful.” I imagine one could say the same thing about every holocaust film ever made. Is “The Passion” violent? Sure, but so is Kill Bill and much of the bible as well (that’s new and old testament).
To the “never-forgeters” who would probably love to nail me to a cross for that last comment, let me say this. You are the one’s who have forgotten. When a Jewish-American group like Amcha decides to protest “The Passion” by dressing up in concentration camp uniforms it is indeed they whom have forgotten.
Of course there are many leaders in American Jewry who have stood up against the preemptive anti-anti-Semitism cry-fest. Although their mild finger wagging in the direction of ADL & Co. get much less press coverage than protesters on the upper-east side of Manhatten with signs reading “The Passion is a cruci-fiction.” Can you imagine Egyptians protesting “The Ten Commandments?”
If American Jews want to worry about “The Passion,” then they should go see it. For all the box office revenue their protesting has raised, they might as well throw some more cash in Mel’s direction. At least then they’d have something they might be able to complain about. For all I know, this may be the worst film about Jews since Leni Riefenstahl was directing. That doesn’t mean I’m ready to call it a blood libel without having seen it yet. Particularly not when it’s a film about a man whom the vast majority of the Western world (and Israel’s supporters) view as much more than just a man.
I’ll leave off with another of Foxman’s snippets of insight. “When Cardinal O’Connor first came, he compared abortion to the Holocaust. But, you know, he learned.” So tell us Mr. Foxman, when are you going to learn?

2004-02-29T14:44:00.000+02:00

waiting, walking, and spring.

didn't bother sleeping last night, since i had to be at the lishkaht hagioos (that's as phonetic as i can make it- translation: army draft place) at 9 am. i did get a lot of arabic studying (relearning) done. i think i'm understanding it. i have to finish everything up today though. doesn't help that i'm getting sleepy. the gorgeous weather isn't helping either. it's 80 degrees out. yes, 80. welcome to spring in Israel. summer will be here momenterily.

taking a short break and going back to yesterday: spent the whole day (i woke up at 3, leave me alone, i can't sleep for the next 4 months) with effie and dog yuko. got breakfast at a cafe, went to the beach, went to get more coffee, hung out, helped her with her driving practicle exam (the test here is fucking insane, you need to know everything about how your car works.). effie is from england, and apparently in england they teach you how to think when taking an exam. well, i've had to scrub that silly notion out of her head and introduce her to good old fashion american test taking, SAT style.

key words, process of elimination, and trying to imagine youre an ape with slightly malfunctioning opposable thumbs.

back to today. got to the LS at 9 something. mind you, i had to go, because i got the "orange letter" which means i'd have a warrent out for my arrest otherwise. i just had to drop off a letter from my doctor anyway, and now they'll decide if i'm going or not. whatever. i finally got out around 11. then you have to wait for a cab to fill up so he'll take you to the stupid bus station, where you will sit and wait for the right bus to come by. taxis drive past you slowly, hoping against hope that you'll be in such despair and such haste that you'll pay any price to hop into their luxury death box (i almost got killed twice on the ride to the LS). since i'd blown so much cash taking a cab there, i wasn't about to hop in another one. "ata lokeakh cartisia?" i finally asked one of the cab drivers as he gave me a look that i wasn't sure if he was pleading, or trying to get me to plead with him to take me home. "you take a bus pass?" yeah, he got a laugh out of that one.

the bus ride is long. too long. i pulled out my dying map at one point to see if the bus was by any chance stopping at a place i needed to go. the old woman across from me leaned over and said in a russian accent (though in very good english) yes, where do you need to go? well? what are you looking for? I answered in hebrew. not for any reason other than that's the language i was thinking in at that moment. i think she may have taken offense to that. it took me a second to realize why she spoke to me in english. she chose english cos i had a copy of Friedman's "Longitudes and Attitudeds" a collection of his editorials just prior too, and after 9/11 up until 2003 i believe. interesting read. it's funny how a lot of his critics don't seem to recall any of the things he was writing back them. he's quite intelligent, although i certainly can't agree with everything he says. a lot of people seem to make unfair judgements on what he writes. i can understand criticizing it, but they treat the man as though he were Paul Krugman. Really kids, let's all try to play a little fair. at least friedman isn't a complete cynical washout. either way, i tend to prefer the washington post.

question now is...do i dare nap?

2004-02-27T18:41:00.000+02:00

Pretty basic but there really should be more articles written giving people sex tips. really, sexual etiquette is important, and many people seem to be unaware of that. the comments are quite funny. i dont get what's offensive about this. Personally, i think she could have expanded the article a great deal, but that's just me.

2004-02-27T16:45:00.000+02:00

cousin/roomate never ceases to amaze. well, she does, but then out of nowhere she does something incredible. february has not just been a rough on myself, but her as well. she, at least, has an excuse. all month she's had test. really really hard tests. so she's mostly been locked away in her room or off at work. the little that we've seen each other has been mostly stress ridden and depression driven, two colliding worlds not meant to meet. there wasn't any fighting, but the apartment was cold (and not just because of the occasional winter rain).

so the other day, walking down the street, i was really thinking deeply about how cold i felt she'd been lately. wondering if this living arrangement was working. i got home that night and there's a note on the laptop "Hey, Just wanted to say that i'm sorry for being such a 'kalba' (bitch) lately, it's jut the... i even don't know what. But i havent been a very nice person to be with. I guess i just need some space. sorry"

well, i just walked into her room where she was (again) studying, gave her a kiss on the top of her head, and sat down to listen to her vent a bit about the shit tests she had the next morning. so things between us are good. i go back to school on monday, and then we really wont be seeing one another, since i'm out of the house before her, and she tends to get home a little before i'm off to bed. i just realized i'm going to have 11 1/2 hours of classes on thursdays. non-stop. at least it gives a good excuse to start drinking at 8 when i get out of school. happy hour. excellent.

my reviewing of arabic (i.e. relearning of everything) is not going as well as i keep telling myself it will. i need to learn 6 lessons. each one takes about 2 hours to master. i'm an idiot. i have until monday.

i got a message this morning from effie, seems that she needs someone manly (why she called me, i dont know. i guess because i'm not her exboyfriend) to help her move heavy things in her apartment. (again, why me, i dont know) apparently she tried and broke some cupboard which almost killed her. in return, i'm getting a chili dinner tonight. sounds good to me.

that reminds me, i should skeedaddle and re-re-read my B.S. (black september) paper. exactly 30 pages, how neat is that? i dont want to change anything because it's the perfect (read, maximum) length. im nervous about handing it in. i hope it's good.

2004-02-27T01:36:00.000+02:00

Tonight film was 1934's "Of Human Bondage" starring Leslie Howard, Bette Davis, Francis Dee, and...three guys named Reginald. If you've never watched a Bette Davis flick, you're missing out. Leslie Howard was amazing. That scene where he stares down a cruel and ungrateful Bette Davis and spits out "You disgust me." Classic.

2004-02-25T15:26:00.000+02:00

feeling neglected? well, we can't all have the pope sprinkle ashes on our heads. personally, i can't wait to see the passion of the christ. rambling? you bet i am. but i saw clips of that crucifiction scene, and damn, that's some bloody violence. i feel like taking a nap.

tonight i'm off to the tel aviv jazz festival with effie, the crazy british roomate of K. there was a ticket mixup, and effie is a bigger jazz fan, so K is gonna see if she can find herself a ticket.

A from class just got back from thailand. apparently one of the first things he thought of was to email me about beer pong on friday. i called him a few hours later and he seemed totally delirious. i wonder when the thought of beer pong hit him between the time he landed and the time he emailed me. either way, i consider it endearing.

so i've just about finished my 30 page black september paper. anyone who feels like proofreading is welcome. **wink wink australia wink wink**

i wish i could join the MI5. more so than the CIA, which i've also considered. i'm sure this blog will somehow come back to bite me in the ass if i go through with applying. that is if all my other dirty secrets dont get out, hehehe...*sigh* i wish i was james bond. or james dean.

besides all this, life has been pretty slow moving. classes start on the 1st, thus ending sleep for the next 4 months. i'd better store up.

2004-02-22T17:24:00.000+02:00

well, we got a headline now, didn't we? i made the round of calls, and everyone seems fine. as for me i'm watching cary grant shower in his suit. i love old movies, i should watch more of them. it's an audrey hepburn/cary grant espionage flick. very charming. i believe it's called "charade." I recommend it.

2004-02-22T06:31:00.000+02:00

anyone feel like placing bets? i'd like to say that by the time y'all get up in the mornin' we're gonna have a nice big headline. that's what i'd like to say

2004-02-20T18:26:00.000+02:00

so where have i been? nowhere, really. i was up north for a few short days, celebrated cousins and uncles birthday. got cousin 2 chopin cd's and an 1878 illustrated copy of a shakespeare's king's collection. (for 30 sequels, i might add! sometimes you get lucky). I picked it up at a great little used book shop down on allenby called harpers, so if youre in the area, it deserves a visit.

i've been making good headway with my paper. of course, i was supposed to have finished it last week, but eh, i'm laaaaazy. i am, however, getting out of my funk *knock wood*. Dont ask, i dont know how it happens. perhaps talking to K about it helped. probably. i've never been a big talker about how i feel, so maybe i'll change that. i've been getting pangs of motivation to get my shit done (but it's all still coming slowly, and i'm still feeling a bit aloof)...but more surprising is the strange desire to get into a relationship. it's been about a year now since my last actual relationship, and for unexplainable reasons i've had a desire to get back into one. go figure. the only drawback is knowing that the best relationships always come about when you're not looking for one. so i have start keeping my eyes open without looking.

in other news, dad is looking to find me a flight. he might have found one that gives me a night in paris, which would be great, cos crazy anna is there now, and i havent seen her since she visited new york last year. the girl is amazing. i spoke to her online about being in paris, and pointed out that i didnt know she spoke french. haha, she doesnt. she speaks some sort of spanish-italian-english combo that apparently pisses them off to no end and she's having a great time doing it. she's an absolute riot, and i hope i get to see her disturbing the lives of parisians.

i'm contemplating calling Josh in Jerusalem about spending a Jewy shabbat with him. i've never had one, and i think i mentioned once that i'd like to try it out. he'd be a good one to do it with, cos i'd get lots of fun explanations to everything that is Jew.

spent the other day at old man yossef's. we watched home movies from the 60's and 70's that he filmed all over the world. he's a hoot.

*sigh* i've stepped into a dilemma....dad has found me a ticket home for the holidays. drawback, i'd be missing six days of class. five of them arabic. i really dont know how i could pull that one off...but i really want to go visit home....oh goodness.....

2004-02-17T11:16:00.000+02:00

I'd like to inform you about a "Dialog of Faith", bringing together on line Muslim, Jewish and Christian clergy, scholars,
and teachers to discuss Middle East conflict. Funded by the Bannan Center at Santa Clara University, the project will permit these individuals to exchange viewpoints on issues of terrorism and security, justice and resistance, America's role in the Middle East, and the future shape of peace. The website address is http://itrs.scu.edu/stover/dof and the
dialog will occur between March 1 and 10. You can observe the exchange by logging in as a guest. Please share this information with friends and colleagues who might be interested in the prospect for peace in the Middle East.

2004-02-16T08:08:00.000+02:00

havent slept. feeling delirious. chew on this:

All these complex mechanisms are able to operate because this toilet has a brain