Wednesday, January 19, 2005

it wont stop raining. it's crazy. it's not even regular normal rain, it's crazy tel aviv rain, where it's like the heavens turn into one giant high pressure showerhead and the lightning pops like collosus 19th century flash bulbs and the thunder sounds out like armaggedons trumpet. indeed, it is raining really fucking hard.

a professor died today, but not one that i knew. he had a heart attack in the middle of a lecture with the british ambassador. the Advisor wouldnt postpone class though, much to his credit.

everything feels ominous.

on a lighter side, i've learned several new and excellent jokes. some of you have probably gotten these emailed to you, but maybe there are people out there i dont know reading this, in which case, um, i'd be interested to know who you are. that'd be super neat.

first joke!
A Syrian bomber plane is flying over the Middle-East and one of their engines dies. The pilot radios for help saying, "This is the Syrian bomber A-14. We've lost one of our engines and request permission to land anywhere in the Middle-East EXCEPT Israel."There is no response.

They lose another engine and radio again: "This is the Syrian bomber A-14. We've lost two of our engines and request permission to land anywhere in the Middle-East EXCEPT Israel."Again, no response.

A few more minutes go by and they radio again: "This is the Syrian bomber A-14. We've lost three of our engines. If we do not land now, we are going to crash. We request permission to land anywhere in the Middle-East INCLUDING Israel."

All of the sudden, the radio comes alive: "Shalom, this is Tel Aviv, how can we help?"The pilot replies: "This is the Syrian bomber plane A-14. We need to land immediately or we are going to die. Can you help us?"The air-traffic controller replies: "Sure thing, but I need to give you some very detailed instructions and my Arabic is not too good. Does anyone on the plane speak Hebrew?"
The pilot asks his crew to no avail. "No, no one on the plane can speak Hebrew. What should we do?"
"Don't worry. Don't worry. All you have to do is repeat after me. Are you ready?"
"Sure. Sure. We're ready."

"All right, here goes. Repeat after me:Yitgadal, v'yitkadash, sh'mey rabah, b'alma di v'rah chirutay........."

second joke!

A sign at a business establishment in Philadelphia, PA: "WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 ARAB TERRORISTS THAN WITH A SINGLE JEW"

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. Most would be outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement... One would think that anti-hate groups from all across the country would be marching on this business... And that the National Guard might have to be called to keep the angry crowds back...

But, perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors simply make their statement... We are a society who holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty... And after all it is just a sign... You may ask what business would dare post such a sign?

Goldberg's Funeral Home


joke 3!

The Saudi Ambassador to the UN has just finished giving a speech and walks out into the lobby where he meets President Bush. They shake hands and as they walk the Saudi says, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America."President Bush says, "Well your Excellency, anything I can do to help you, I will do."
The Saudi whispers, "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there are Russians, Africans and Asians, but never any Arabs. He is very upset. He doesn't understand why there are never any Arabs in Star Trek."
President Bush laughs and leans toward the Saudi and whispers back, "It's because it takes place in the future...."

last one!

A man arrives at Ben Gurion International Airport with 2 large bags.The customs agent opens the first bag and finds it full with money indifferent currencies.

The agent asks the passenger, "How did you getthismoney?"The man says, "You will not believe it, but I traveled all overEurope, went into public restrooms, each time I saw a man pee, Igrabbed his organ and said, "donate money to Israel or I will cut-offyour balls."

The customs agent is stunned and mumbles: "Well...it's a veryinteresting story... what do you have in the other bag?"

The man says, "You would not believe how many people in Europe do notsupport Israel"

ba-boom-boom-CLANK!

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home