Sunday, November 21, 2004

A handful of words is all it took. to bring me down, that is. the good news is that my advisor says he's getting closer to snatching up 500 pounds (i dont have that little squiggly L symbol) which would cover room and board for me in england for a month. i'm still not sure what will happen after that. there's a great looking scholarship to do research in Jordan with room, board, and stipend. hot dog. if i can get it. we'll see.

back to the handful of words...and here i warn you, this post will be more boring and whiney than anything regarding my thesis, so you may want to go have a giggle at despair while i ramble.

"is there anyone you want to bring?" there wasn't any particular tone, but there was that little catch of breath at the end of the sentence. that question within the question. the occasion is thanks giving and while i'd been mentioning to a few people that i think we should get a group together to celebrate, i happened to walk in on three of these folks right after class discussing it. pretty harmless, although the three are actually six, as in couples. now, i've nothing against couples. i've even been half a couple now and again, but my sebaticle/penance (my penaticle?) has left me one whole single person. which is just the dickens for me until a little gathering like this comes along. i sputtered some kind of acceptance although tomorrow i'll recind. just doenst seems like it would be a great little time until it just got completely and utterly awkward. throwing in another single person wouldnt aleviate things, you need at least three to make it work and there can't be any attraction between two of those three or youre even worse off than you were before (this, assuming, youre as neurotic and repressed as i am and find yourself analyzing these situations). point being, that said point has been driven home. i am single, alone, uno es el numero lonliesto, and completely free. i mean, i can hop over to london for a month, go to jordan for a few months, go back to new york, stay here, buy that pickup truck and cruise the states for a year....whatever. that's the upside, and for someone like me that's a big upside. the downside comes when youre drinking coffee and listening to old Platters tunes while swinging your heart around like a fucking yoyo. sorry for the splatter, please use the complementary wet naps.

well, the record comes to an end, and then you just throw on something else. music appropriate for speeding past desert towns at dusk. kicking up a handful of words like a handful of dust.

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