Monday, October 11, 2004

so i should probably be feeling lonely since i just made a huge thing of stirfry (came out quite good, thank you for asking) and i'm the only one here to eat it. not that i couldnt have invited friends over to join in (one might wonder why i did that, perhaps fear that it would turn out crap), but i didnt. it's actually a good question to ponder why i didnt do that. perhaps i've just been around people a lot the last couple of weeks and some time alone is called for. could well be it. i do like my alone time.

i guess perhaps this is an interlude. i'm at a strange point in life. i dont feel confident enough to start a serious relationship (see previous relationships....on second thought, dont) yet the casual couple-o-night stands just arent satisfying. i guess i've realized that the next time i meet someone that i want to be with, it'll have to be someone i'm truly in love with. problem is, will said lovee also be lover? it wouldnt be easy for said lovee. sure, might seem like a breeze at first, but so does a storm. (oooh, how poetic and selfdeluted!)

I think people can be quite cruel, even with the best of intentions. suspicion of said cruelty in just as terrible. If Person 1 is apparently incapable of falling in love with all the trust, openess, honesty, etc. it requires because of X reasons, and Person 2 claims to be in love with Person 1, can it not be simply for the reason that Person 1 is so repressed and closed off that what Person 2 really feels is an insatiable curiousity, even deep sympathy, for Person 1, and thus confuses these emotions for love. Things are more complicated when Person 2 is a female, as females are generally prone to reaching out and trying to heal those in need, even patheticly repressed men. perhaps especially pathetically repressed men.

So should pathetically repressed Person 1 need to give in to Person 2's feelings of alleged love, only knowing that Person 2 will not be so eager be with Person 1 once he has been pathetically open, honest, trusting, etc?

No, i imagine what Person 1 needs is someone that sees right through his bullshit and can still care for him. But that would take some serious 8-day burning oil miracle type shit.

Either way, Person 1 clearly needs to get some serious help before he eats all the stir-fry, because lets face it, the only thing worse than being pathetic, repressed, and in need of help, is being pathetic, repressed, in need of help, and fat.

UPDATE

so remember the last post? well, look at this article on Kerry in the NY Times Magazine...very revealing. but what i particularly liked was this part:

"Kerry's guardedness has contributed to the impression that he does not think clearly or boldly about foreign policy. In his short but fascinating book titled ''Surprise, Security and the American Experience,'' the Yale historian John Lewis Gaddis suggests that Bush's framework for fighting terrorism has its roots in the lofty, idealistic tradition of John Quincy Adams and Woodrow Wilson. (The book was so popular in the White House that Gaddis was invited over for a discussion.) ''What Bush is proposing is quite long-term, quite radical and quite Wilsonian,'' Gaddis told me when we spoke; when I asked him about Kerry, he said: ''I don't know where Kerry is on this. I don't have the slightest clue.''

maybe i'm not so full of shit after all....

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