Sunday, March 28, 2004

So i thought things were easing back to a semi-normal state since the cripple met his doom. A bit on what it's been like since it happened in regards to the tension here. People have started going back to their normal lives. Bus riding, going to cafe's (although they were considerably empty over the weekend), going out in general. But there's something in the air (maybe it's the fact that there have been lots of attempts, but no successes).

now for the fucked up bit. I've been finding myself checking the news several times a day half-hoping that there would finally be a pegua (bombing). No, i haven't gone insane (i dont think). I dont want anything to happen, obviously. But this tension can drive you insane if you spend more than a few minutes thinking about it. I mean, you sit in the middle of the bus and think "well, at least by sitting here i'll just die" or you sit all the way in the back and think "well, maybe from here i can survive without losing a limb." I was sitting with the cousin tonight and we heard this loud low rumble. we just looked up at each other and intinctively thought the same thing. It's also confusing because we live pretty close to some medical place, and ambulances go by a lot. Thankfully, nothing happened. I dont know what the sound was, but it definatly sounded like an explosion somewhere. Maybe it didnt and we've just both been waiting for it to finally happen that we just jumped to the conclusion that we're all waiting for. I know i'm not alone in feeling like this, it's normal no matter who you are or how long you've been here. Still, you realize how fucked up it is, but you can't help it. It's confusing and stressful and much easier to disappear into my little university bubble which i do as often as i can. guess i should be happy over all the work i'm supposed to be doing.

i'm trying not to write too much about this. it's not particularly easy. it's hard choosing the right words, and i'm certain that if i went over later i'd think it was crap. i wont do that though. it's how i feel right now. it can, and probably will change, within hours. you've got to realize, i spent 3 hours in a crowded cafe, on crowded dizingoff, and then went to the crowded beach. it's not like i'm going at this hermit style. still, i'm trying not to write so much because it'll just end up getting more and more incoherent.

i guess there are too many things to think about. too much that you can get angry or happy or sad over. or laugh about or cry about. it's like hooking up your emotions to a dimmer switch being manipulated by a hyperactive toddler. i dont know. maybe that's a shite analogy, but i'm too tired to think of anything better.

in other news, a friend threw a sushi party at her lavish retro-grandma apartment on thursday night. very swanky, lots of fun. went to lunch and the beach with effie. talk talk talk. good time. now it's late and i'm tired and kinda hungry. gonna go down to yaffo tomorrow to look for a birthday present for mom. wish me luck.


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