Tuesday, December 30, 2003

hello fair readers. seems we've got everything from campers to strangers. i know i find it quite titillating. hehe...i said lating. i also think i misspelled it. deal.

the folks have flown home, i've got the day off since my prof's are either dieing or confrencing. which really means once i get off my lazy bottom i'll be hitting the arabic like a new zealander on a sheep farm.

those of you lucky enough to have gotten the pictures from me, enjoy!

those of you unfortunate enough to have been offended by me, enjoy that too!

so no new years plans as of yet. did get a message from a friend about something going on at his place though. all i know is that i've got an excess of wine that needs to be drunk. new years here is called sylvester. i've never gotten a good explanation as to why though.

on other news, i've been getting information together for my Black September paper. For some reason no one seems to have written a clear and dedicated book to the subject. at least not in english. so i'm dealing with a lot of raw material, which is interesting. we'll see how this goes.

in less attractive news, i think the milk is starting to curdle. no, that's not a euphamism for anything. i really think it's going bad. probably should have thought twice before opting for a bowl of cereal. ah well, sometime the iron stomach needs to be tested.

what the hell? cher is doing another farewell tour? isn't she dead yet? she might be, but most of her isn't biodegradable, so we can't really tell.

i shouldnt watch tv and blog at the same time, it leads to odd commentary.

in other news. spoke to Alex last night. if that new apartment works out, i may well be forced to scrounge up cash for that 30 hour flight.

K is back from germany, which is good. we've decided that we have to start travelling around the country more. how we'll do this exactly has yet to be discussed. anyone feel like donating a car?

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

so i learned what may very well be the most important phrase i'll ever learn in arabic. well, one of them anyway.

Kam zawjahan laka?

translation:

How many wives do you have?

now i just need to learn how to ask, "How many camels for your daughter?" and i'll be all set.

other interesting news: americans do weird things during the holidays just make sure you check out the last line. it's the winner. maybe it's just the wacky jews. but something tells me by all the bright red sweaters donned on pets, it's not specific to any religion. Perhaps for pets could fast for ramadan. i could make my pet fast for yom kippur. or make it eat an exhorbited amount like i do.

hmmm, i wish i could dance. i ocassionally like to pretend i can dance. that's always entertaining. still, i wish i could dance. of course, i should probably work on getting general moter skills up to par.

speaking of getting up to par....homework!

ok ok, i need to do homework....but check this out oh man, allah is on a role today! ooh boy!

Monday, December 22, 2003

haha, props to brian h for this...you've made my night, and i'm sure A will be rolling with laughter as well.

five days without posting...i'd better be careful or i might grow a life.

spent the weekend with the 'rents. good times. took them around tel aviv and yaffo. they had a good time. props to A for taking mom and i around and taking us to this kick ass place to eat. if i end up staying in the country after my degree, i'll probably go live down in the old part of yaffo, if i can find a place there. it's like old jerusalem, but without the super pungent aroma of urine. lot's of little galleries and a great view of the med.

had a nice little surprise today: my bank was supposed to send me my credit card about a week ago (it's weird here, it goes through your bank, not a seperate company). so i went to the bank tonight, but they had closed about 10 minutes before. but i saw the guy that i usually go to standing outside talking, so i asked him about the credit card. i didnt even finish my sentence before he stopped me, opened up the bank, and gave me my card.

see, it's good that all the banks are run by those damn jews!

it's funny because all of my friends are at different banks, and they hate them. guess i got lucky.

speaking of A, she's on her way over for a last coffee before she flies back to Oz...*sigh* and K is in Germany. Praise Jesus that my parents are here, or else i'd really go nutty. Ah, jesus, won't you ever learn? or find a job? quit hanging around huntington station you lazy bastard.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

indeed, it's hip to be jew.

mom and dad land any minute. have to leave in an hour to meet them at their hotel. i should call the sister and find out what flight they're on in case they're coming in late.

should also start doing some arabic homework, as things are getting a bit complicated. if only Allah could give me a hand. isn't it odd how Allah posts in english?

alhamdu lillahi! time to get to work...

Monday, December 15, 2003

So K's birthday was quite a success. It was down at Puah (poo-ah?), it's this neat little cafe in the middle of the shook (bazaar) in yaffo. since it was late, everything was closed except for Puah. The shook at night is kinda scary looking if you've never been there before. it's all alleyways and dark, everything is closed up, and if it's been raining there are giant puddles and rivers flowing through the streets. Then oin the middle of nowhere lies Puah, an electric oasis of food and coffee (and live jazz, if you're lucky).

anyway, i met David the Belgian before taking a cab down to yaffo. When lo and behold, who should step out of the cab but a high price hooker. No, really, she was a high price hooker. Apparently she charges 1000 sheqels (about 200 dollars) an hour. I know this because the cab driver explained it to us. He also explained to me how prostitution works in Israel, how much money is to be made in it, and that "John's" are called "Alex's" in Israel. Good to know. He then went on to curse in arabic.

it also rained last night for all of 10 minutes. just poured down like crazy, and then stopped. typical tel aviv rain.

finished my paper for Ottoman History. it's either really good or really bad. I'll let you know.

mom and dad come in 2 days. I need to clean more. I swept the apartment today, sorta. didnt' do a very good job. but did collect a HUGE pile of dust. This is the dustiest city in the world. Don't give me that shit about Afgan cities. I'm looking at you A!

A who also called me tonight at 11 to discuss a brilliant revelation she stumbled upon today regarding the eastern conquest model in light of the Ottomans. Mind you, A isn't even taking an Ottoman history class. NERD!!! *sigh* it'd be mean if i weren't one...

i should sleep....

Sunday, December 14, 2003

"Ask and ye shall receive," he says to me...and then sends me to THIS!

I love you sweetits

just the latest in wonderful things happening today (knock wood)

took care of my bank issues, i'll be getting my credit card in a few days, got cash for when my parents come, my paper is coming along very nicely and i think it might be very good.

But the biggest news of all, which you should have all heard by now (did you figure it out yet mike? didja? didja?! hehehe)

Is our buddy SADDAM!! hehehehehe.....an excellent day for funny pictures.

Now i'm off to K's birthday party...it's raining, but that's definatly not going to get me down tonight!! WOOHOO!!! time to celebrate the birth of K and the death of S!

Friday, December 12, 2003

The obscure life and times resulting from living in Israel

Got one phone call tonight, made several calls. No one's going out tonight, i think we're all convening here at my place.

The reason?

The police are on "high alert." Apparently there are some friendly terrorists on the way to tel aviv tonight to tell us how much love they have to give. As much as can be packed into a bomb and strapped to their chest, apparently.

So it'll be a night of avoiding all public places, cancelled reservations, no walking around (which is a real shame because the weather is so nice). I should email dad and tell him that if something happens not to freak out, cos i'll be home. It's rare to get this kind of warning, so you take advantage of it.

I know i was just joking about it, but A really did miss getting killed by just a few minutes. Albeit, that would have been a result of the silly israeli underworld involving casinos and i'm not sure what else.

So, fill up the flasks, light up the smokes (whatever you like to smoke), bring over the friends, it's a party at casa dorons.

good thing i cleaned my room.


on a funny note, there's a cd collection called "we wont stop singing" and on this great great comedy show here they just did a spoof for a cd collection called we "we wont stop Yassin." (It rymes in hebrew, ok!)

Sheik Yassin is the founder and "spiritual" leader of Hamas. He's this old old crippled with a zz top style beard, and so they have him dancing and singing in his chair. it's very funny. my dad once sent me a picture of sheik yassin next to a picture of Sauroman from LOTR...the resemblence is uncanny. truly amazing.

ok, i'd better put shit away and prepare for a night of guests.

ok, not much to say....actually, a bit to say....i'll keep it ambiguous...A and I stalked someone quite famous today and found their home phone and address. let's leave it at that. besides A, and my dad, i dont think anyone else would be very interested.

so, here's something interesting for you. read it, good stuff.

Thursday, December 11, 2003

can you believe the seedy israeli underworld? all the dumb shit that goes on here, and you still have gangsters. if only we had a bugsy seagal, at least then we could turn Be'er Sheva into Be'er Vegas (or Las Sheva, take your pick).
Apparently A missed the action by a couple of minutes, she was walking by bopping along to her ridiculously loud music, and didn't hear the explosion. *sigh* craziness

so if ariel sharon and yassir arafat had a baby, it would be the fattest ugliest politician/terrorist/money-launderist in the world. i wish i could morph a picture of the two of them together....i think really i just want arafats head on sharon's body.

heard that on the daily show they did a funny bit on sharon....something along the lines of "he's so fat, he doesnt want peace, he wants two pieces."


ahhh, funny funny...i'm sleepy

Monday, December 08, 2003

ah boy.

i thought i had lots to ramble about, but i guess i didnt. I do have a neat story though that one of my profs. told us today:

A Jew in Russia in the 70's wanted to flee to Israel. This, obviously, was illegal, and so he if anyone wanted to leave the country they couldn't bring certain things with them.

So at the train station, the guard going through his bag pulled out a framed picture of Leonid Brezhnev.

"Transporting gold out of the country, eh?" asked the guard. The Jew looked shocked and said, "But sir, that's a picture of Brezhnev!"

When he made it to Israel, the customs officials looked through his bag and pulled out the framed picture.

"Why on earth did you bring a picture of Brezhnev with you?" asked the official.

The Jew looked shocked and said "But sir, that's a gold frame!"



So, it's all about perspective.

Mom and dad are coming in 9 days. Keeping my fingers crossed that things stay quiet. *knock wood*

I need to go food shopping. And do laundry. And clean. And read. Crap. I'm way too lazy to live. All i want to do is just keep sitting around listening to
M. Ward.

Watched a movie about old people on tv the other day. It was really good. I think it feeds my insane love/hate relationship with the elderly. Which is very different from my love/hate relationship with children, strangers, women, men, work, technology, insomnia, certain animals, exercise, intelligence, stupidity, and artificial textiles.

There was a good quote in the movie (It was in Hebrew, and i don't remember it exactly, but i'll try to piece it together for you)....So in the movie there's this old guy who's wife committed suicide, and he's on some sort of trip with friends. He's always writing in this little notepad. (I only saw it from the second half, so don't ask for more)

anyway, here's the exchange, more or less:

"What are you always writing? What is so much that you have to say to her?"

"What do I write? Things I never dared to think. Things I never said to her."


Ok, that doesn't sound nearly as good in english as it does in hebrew. we'll blame it on my poor memory and translation skills. I think some of the problem is that you can't translate certain phrases properly. Or i'm just making excuses. anything's possible.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

So went with P down to the beach this morning, played some soccer, hung around....i can't believe it's december and i was hanging out at the beach. even stuck our feet in the water....which was good, because they were horribly bruised from my shitty soccer skills.

took some funny pictures. if you didnt get them, email me.

anyway, sorry to hear about the 2 feet of snow y'all are gettin' back home....hehehe...

what a strange night.

so turns out there's no guest list at this place, and it's 40 sheq's to get in. P is broke, so we decided to hit up the Grozini Bar, which is this hip trendy place on the lillinblum strip. it's a bitch getting in, but A is dying to go before she leaves for home. So we waited around, finally got a table. I ordered a big plate of beets and a giant glass of red wine (which should have been more full...fucking hipster shits)..i was mocked ruthlessly for my evil billionaire's meal...personally, i really like beets. i grew up on beets. they're very eastern european. didnt realize they grossed people out so much...i'd probably be dead in a pool of my own vomit now though, if it werent for the, uh, magic nausea medicine i took earliier. ...that's good shit. ...

...the music was really good tho. danced a lot, even though it was really crowded. i think P and K got into a fight. I'm staying out of this. This could create social awkwardness in the future.

the end of the night taxi was really funny, cos i got in with K, and "A Hard Days Night" is just BLARING from the radio, and the guy driving looked like he could have just stepped out of the early 60's, save for that pierced eye-brow.

Friday, December 05, 2003

ok, so i've decided to stay in Tel Aviv with those i know and love, and not risk death by possible flood (note: it's been nice all day, albeit cold).

So we're going to that club...i need to find out just what's going on. I'm going to P's in an hour, where we will then abuse our brains, and then go to the party.

I should call K and see what's going on with her as well.

I wanted to have something long and profound to write, but now i'm feeling lazy and hungry. Perhaps you'll be lucky later.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

So looks like i'll be going down south this weekend. It's a gamble.

It's with people from school, but all the people i'm really friends with wont be there. There's this cool party at this club called Japan, and Hede (who was performing two weeks ago at the drum and bass party) is performing. I want to go, but i feel like i need to get out of Tel Aviv and travel a bit.

So what will this be like? i'm not sure. I really hope it doesnt suck. I also hope it doesnt rain and we die in some desert flood. I also hope the people who go dont act like giant cocks. I hope it doesnt flood giant cocks.

*sigh*

anyway, i sent out a whole mess of pics to a bunch of people, and if you've been left out, i apologize and you should email me your questions, comments, and complaints. Just dont expect a response until monday. maybe. i'm still debating.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

I've been outed!

Haha...actually, all that's happened is Zeyad spilled the beans about my having a blog to Alex. No one in Israel knows about this. Come to think about it, i never told my family in New York either. No real reason for it, just because this is mostly nonsensical ramblings (see previous post).

Still, i'm wondering how many people i don't know are reading this. Kinda strange to imagine that. I guess they're coming from the ever fascinating Iraqi blogs.

Hope they haven't been too disappointed with this. It certainly doesnt carry any political weight, as i dont bother making political statements. Occassional rants being the exception. But i think i've done a good job keeping those to a minimal.

i dont bother talking about politics on here for a bunch of reasons (1)who really care's what i have to say (2) i dont really care what i have to say (3) there really isn't much worth saying (4) there's plenty of other people saying interesting things in much better ways then i ever could.

On to more important things:

Alex and katy were just over. Alex is heading back to Oz (that's australia) and so she's desperatly looking for someone to take over her lease. They were looking at pictures of everyone from back home, and they were very impressed. you're quite a handsome bunch apparently.

still havent gotten over the new obsession. Actually, i've been adding to it.

New Idea for New Obsession:
Write on the inside front cover of each book where i am when i start it, and write on the back cover where i am when i finish it.

Ahhh....someone needs to spend more time working and less time day dreaming

Monday, December 01, 2003

Today's obsessive thought:

I will return to New York after I get my M.A., get a dog, work for a year, take the LSAT's, buy a pick-up truck, drive around the states for a year, go to law school/get a ph.d.

Previous obsessive thoughts:

Things will go well in Iraq and I'll get my ph.d. in Baghdad.

I will work with sled dogs in Alaska.

I will join the Peace Corp.

I will join the circus.

I will be a better person.

I will write a book.

I will learn to fly a plane.

I will do something important.

I will live in obscurity.

I will not be so lazy.

I will not obsess.