Tuesday, September 30, 2003

So i'm reading foreign affairs online (my subscription goes to new york, i need to remember to ask my parents to send the last two issues to me here) and listening to Placebo's "bitter end," when i realize that i might be a bit of an anomoly. also perhaps a bit illiterate, i need to buy a good dictionary and thesaurus as i had to leave them back in ny since they're so big and bulky. but back to the anomoly stuff.

i wonder if it's that strange to be 22 and be doing what i'm doing. most of the people i'm studying with are in their late 20's, which shouldnt seem like that much of a difference (and it isn't, considereing my child-adult theory that states all adults are really just children in bigger clothes), but there is a difference nonetheless.

all of the people i'm studying with took at the very least a year off from uni. to do something. i most cases several years. i just didnt feel the need for it. part of it was the fact that i really didnt have the skills to get a good job (what with my glorious BA in poli sci), or the funds to go do something crazy. i could have just worked, saved a couple grand, and then travelled for 6 months, then went back to studying, but i didnt. I dont know if that makes me pragmatic or boring, but probably both.

I dont know when the change really came over me. When i was 18 i went into college to be an actor, with the vague notion of falling back on being a teacher. I dont know when i changed, maybe i didnt, maybe it was all just a side show because those are the kinds of ideas you have when you're 18. on the other hand, there was a chang, but it's not worth getting into. the important thing is, that i'm doing something which i guess is fairly grown up (if you dont believe me, you should see my syllabus for the semester, you never know how many books you havent read until you have to read them for grad school), but the thing is that i dont feel very grown up. I suppose the exception is if i get into a political conversation with someone who knows what they're talking about (not to be confused with agreement, im speaking on a learned level). It's funny and awkward to reavel to those people that i'm only 22 (why they eventually ask, i dont know, i dont think i've ever asked anyone their age, it just never seems important to me). The oldest i've gotten is 30, the youngest 26. Maybe it's the beard, but they keep insisting it's because of the things i say. the little old man that lives inside me just keeps trying to get out, i guess. what a gross thought.

maybe i am old. i'm listening to astral weeks after all, which as good as it just, you just wont hear van morrison on KROC.

another side note: i've heard david bowie played here every day since i've gotten here. tv, buses, stores, cafes, wherever, i hear him once a day somewhere.

i was walking home last night at around 11 or so and noticed that all of the cafes had about half a dozen tables occupied. it was nice to see that on a monday night.

i want a dog. i need to go read. i need to find listerine and nail clippers. need to get together with friends and figure out what the plan is for going to sinai. and whats going on tonight. need to do sit ups. want to pick up one of those language tapes so i can get a heads up on arabic before the semester starts. should stop rambling.

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